Knightly Sword Hilted Umbrella

knightly sword
Whoa! This Knightly Sword Hilted Umbrella shall be my Excalibur. One land. One King. With this sword I’ll have a castle, a wizard named Merlin to help me, a beautiful lady of the lake all naked and stuff, a round table, and me and my knights will have some sweet adventures in the countryside. I won’t even have to free Excalibur from a rock.

Nah. I’ll probably just use this Knightly Sword Hilted Umbrella to look super cool in or out of the rain. Keep it sheathed on my back as I do a cool-guy walk down the street. Not sure why those cops are following me. Is that guy radioing for backup? Tasers are out now. Not good. Merlin, I call on your power!
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Banana Umbrella

banana umbrella
This banana umbrella is looking ripe and ready to protect you from a hard rain. Just peel it to deploy your umbrella and go bananas. Bananas are an excellent source of potassium. You know what else is an excellent source of potassium? Mushrooms.

Although I wouldn’t pick them from the woods. It’s really hard to get your daily dose of potassium when you are being chased by elves with melty faces and riding praying mantis bikes. I think I got my potassium that day, but only after I saw my friend turn into the demon king of drippy ear wax and get eaten by a Venus Fly trap that was two pizzas slammed together. After that I woke up in the microwave inside of a giant hot pocket. Turns out the hot pocket was my sleeping bag and the microwave was the sun, burning my pale nerd skin.
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