Tag: denim

Fashionably Creepy: Acid Washed Denim Bag With Panda

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

KPop Kawaii Mori Girl Boho Bag
Sure. Why not accessorize with stuffed animals? This is an Acid Washed Denim Bag With Panda. Is the Panda also acid washed? I have no idea. Goes good with that weird snakeskin top. Reminds me of that time I was all like, “Mom, can I have some acid washed jeans? It’s what the hip kids are wearing. Can I mom? Can I? Please? You suck mom.” And with that she gave in, went into the garage, came out with a bottle of acid, ripped the jeans off me, threw them in the washer and upended the bottle in behind them.

Five minutes later, holding up the tattered, ashen and smoky rags that used to be jeans, “Now leave me alone, my soaps are on.” So I did. I gotta give her credit, mom always got things done after that mid-morning happy hour.

I Will Have To Calvin De-Klein: Denim Jeans Purse

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

denim jeans purseYou are going to love this new purse from the new fall “Crotch Collection”. It’s chic, stylish, and may even come with the faint scent of man or lady parts. Because everyone knows that Ebay sellers do not wash things for crap before they craft the item and ship it out. Ebay sellers are the poo throwing, butt scratching monkeys of online shopping, while Etsy sellers are the evolved crafters who go to tea parties and point at Ebay and laugh. That’s just a fact.

Anyway, this purse used to be a vehicle for someone’s crotch. Now it is a purse. These were made from jeans that are over 30 years old. The seller says so. That’s a lot of time for a crotch to be married to some pants. That stink ain’t never coming out.

My wife has one of these and she loves it. Some of her reviews include: “Why does my lipstick smell like ass?” or “I’m sick of my money smelling like sweaty man-sack.” Or, my personal favorite, “Sure am enjoying my vag-scented Tic-Tacs.”