Tag: jeans

Levi’s Of Doom And Gloom

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Skull Levi's
Damn girl. You got a fine ba-doom-kadonk. Looking all rave yard in your graveyard. I’m just sayin’ I’d like to hold a rave in that grave. Wait this isn’t a guy right? Man, I hope not. That can NEVER happen again. Now shhhh!

These Levi’s Of Doom And Gloom ain’t got no room cuz they full of booty and pulling double duty. Keeping things tight with fright. They’ll fit you just right in your skull hole. Skinny or tight, how they fit don’t matter. After you buy ’em you know you gettin’ fatter.

And THAT is how you write an ad to sell your cool ass end of the world jeans. Because I noticed you didn’t. You’re welcome.
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Garbage Pantz: Pants For Your Garbage

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garbage pantz
Garbage Pantz are plastic covers that you can put on your outdoor trash can, so that it looks like it’s wearing pants. Sadly, it looks exactly like some of the bin buckets I see walking around Walmart. In fact, you may be walking down the street one day and mistake this for one of your large buddies.

I thought I saw Mike today. Really? That’s cool. Well, I drove by real fast, but I’m sure it’s him. He just seemed to be standing there in the same spot, when I passed again. That doesn’t sound like Mike. We better get in the car and make sure he’s okay.

Fifteen minutes later…

Is that him? I can’t tell. Looks like his big butt. Those thighs are all him too. Nobody wears husky like him. I’m going across the street for a better look.

No. Wasn’t him. Just some weird garbage can with jeans on it.

Wait look! There he is at the McDonald’s across the street, force feeding two big macs in his mouth with a fistful of fries. Thank God he’s alright. He’s lucky to have friends like us.

Turning Laundry Into Money: Levi’s Jeans Sculpture

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levis jeans artThis is a pile of dirty laundry turned into a Jeans sculpture by artist Chris Riggs. He basically stapled a bunch of Levi’s jeans onto a piece of wood so they could have a denim orgy and fetch $1,999. from some bidder who needs pants on their wall.

Big deal. My pants do this all the time. I take ’em off, throw ’em over a frame hanging on my wall and they either stick or they don’t. I don’t make a big deal about it and call it “art”. Some people. Actually they always stick. Then they get stiff and it’s impossible to tear them off. The mound sticks out like 2 feet now. I use the pockets as an organizer to hold pens and stuff. As you might have guessed, I don’t get much company.

I Will Have To Calvin De-Klein: Denim Jeans Purse

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

denim jeans purseYou are going to love this new purse from the new fall “Crotch Collection”. It’s chic, stylish, and may even come with the faint scent of man or lady parts. Because everyone knows that Ebay sellers do not wash things for crap before they craft the item and ship it out. Ebay sellers are the poo throwing, butt scratching monkeys of online shopping, while Etsy sellers are the evolved crafters who go to tea parties and point at Ebay and laugh. That’s just a fact.

Anyway, this purse used to be a vehicle for someone’s crotch. Now it is a purse. These were made from jeans that are over 30 years old. The seller says so. That’s a lot of time for a crotch to be married to some pants. That stink ain’t never coming out.

My wife has one of these and she loves it. Some of her reviews include: “Why does my lipstick smell like ass?” or “I’m sick of my money smelling like sweaty man-sack.” Or, my personal favorite, “Sure am enjoying my vag-scented Tic-Tacs.”