Is this how they race grannies nowadays. Puhlease! In my day all you had to do was have like 4 old people in a minivan, park, and say, “Hey, look, a Cracker Barrel!” Then just watch the magic happen. Of course the pit crew are the real heroes of any elder race. It takes a special group of men to tighten the screws on walkers, make sure they have only pennies in their coin purse and empty any colostomy bags, before helping them to down an entire can of Ensure and be on their way. Lastly, slap some dentures in that bad boy or girl from the top front and smack ’em on the bottom to get them going.

It’s much faster with these Racing Grannies toys. Plus you don’t have to listen to a bunch of stories you’ve heard a million times. And it doesn’t smell like last century either.