Have a coffin or two with your coffee. This Coffin Coffee and Side Table will make your home look like some mortician owned coffee shop. They can customize these in any color combo you want. I bet they could even put a fake body inside for those who like a full-bodied coffee. Get it? Would you like some cream-atorium with your coffee?
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Posts Tagged furniture
This Ouija Board Coffee Table is cool and all, but every time a spirit has something to say, one of the planchettes knocks my coffee over. Then I ask, “Are you done?” and it hovers over the word NO. Seriously? It seems to be okay with me drinking wine and spirits though. This table comes with 4 planchette coasters so your drinks can be carried around the table like a cat riding a roomba. Every time you try to grab one it slides away cuz it’s trying to spell out Pepsi cuz it disagrees with your soda choice. What the hell man.
Might as well have planchette races with this table and bet on which one delivers the message first. Of course the good thing about a Qija board table is that you can use food too. Drop an onion ring and watch it slide around spelling out words. Drop some spaghetti and watch as the pasta becomes letters. Spooky.
This is the Skull Chair With Crazy Crystal Eyes that I’ve been waiting for so I can be a villain who tries to take over the world. Petting a cat is mandatory when sitting in this chair. As is a shark tank. And I don’t mean that stupid show where people invent stuff. I’m talking great whites. I am the man in charge now biatches!
I’ll sit with my back to the door so the skull eyes can hypnotize my enemies when they enter my lair.
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What the deuce?! This Scottish Wood Imp Looking In The Mirror is horrified by what he is seeing. I don’t blame him. I am too. He’s all flapping his imp wings and scratching the frame with his nails. He always thought he was more handsome than that. Nope. That’s why ya never show an imp a mirror. Actually you know what? I don’t think he’s scared. Check out that impish grin. I think he is trying to have sex with that handsome imp in the mirror. That explains all of the scratching and excitement. I hope he doesn’t break the mirror with his erection. That’s seven years bad luck cuz your pee pee is sore for that long. Unless he’s l-imp? Ha ha ha ha ha. And his name is Dick. Ha ha ha ha.
I should get out more.
This Stool Full of Skulls will look great in your catacomb room. What? I thought everyone had one of those. Not sure if I want to buy it though. I may have to request a stool sample. That way I can make up my mind.
Waits a week for it to be delivered.
Hey, why’d you send me poop? Ohhhhhh, I get it. I need to choose my words more carefully. Also, they didn’t have to light it on fire and ring the door bell. That was just mean.