Giant Alien Footprints Trouble Indian Village

Giant Alien Footprints Trouble Indian VillageResidents of an Indian village are living in fear thanks to dozens of giant alien footprints. They were found on Sunday morning after villagers heard something breathing heavily and lurking in their backyards during the night. Usually that’s just me coming home from the bar, looking for a good hole to puke in, but nope, wasn’t me this time. During the day, they found between twenty and thirty massive footprints with a stride of up to three feet. Women and children are remaining indoors out of fear.

One villager noticed that some of those footprints are side by side with human footprints. Other times the human footprints are alone. Another villager looked to the sky and said:

“Why during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life, was there only one set of footprints? I don’t understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me.”

Then a UFO flew down from a parted cloud and using the intercom said, “When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.”

True story.
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Praying Mantises Are Killing Birds Worldwide And Eating Their Brains

Praying Mantises Are Killing Birds Worldwide And Eating Their Brains
So basically Praying Mantises have been biding their time and now that the end is nigh, they are going full zombie and eating the brains of birds all over the world. Seems legit. They no doubt plan on eating bird brains until they absorb all of their flying powers and then we will have a new species that can poop on our heads. Great.

More like Preying Mantises. Am I right? Look at that pic. Dude is just munching on that bird brain as it hangs there. That would be like me hanging out a second story window with my teeth gripping a cow by the head, instead of just having a burger. It’s just showboating, which is why Mantises and me will never get along. Showoff zombie vermin!
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Guy Pulled Over For Speeding Has Alien Riding Shotgun

Guy Pulled Over For Speeding Has Alien Riding Shotgun
So this guy in Alpharetta, Georgia was pulled over for speeding on Sunday afternoon and guess what? Dude had an Alien riding shotgun in the car. The car was clocked at 84 mph. Duh! It takes 88 to get the alien tech known as the Flux Capacitor to kick in, so that your ride turns into a UFO and you zip on out of here. Or become one with a tree. The tech isn’t that great to be honest. Dude was just trying to get ET back to his home planet. Only 4 miles off. My heart goes out to the now stranded outer space rim-prober. Now he’s stuck with us nut jobs forever.

Only 4 miles shy. Man, that has to suck!