Tag: eating

Escalator Eats Turkish Man

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Escalator Eats Turkish Man
Our worst fears have come true. The machines are “awakening” and coming to life. Picking us off one by one just like in Stephen King’s Maximum Overdrive. Check out this security camera footage from a train station in Turkey that shows one of my worst nightmares. An escalator suddenly opens up and swallows a guy. (On the right. At 0:20) Damn. I guess that escalator got itself a little Turkish Delight for a snack. A large gap, or as I like to call it, a “machine mouth” opens up between the steps and just takes this guy down.

It took an hour to save him and he lived cuz machines suck at chewing their food. I’m taking the stairs from now on.
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So People Are Eating Tide Pods

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So People Are Eating Tide Pods
Humans are basically trash. Despite the fact that it says that it’s poison right on the label, humans are now eating Tide Pods. It’s also a fad to use them as vodka chasers. These moronic millennials are so “woke” they don’t know they are halfwits. But the rest of us are aware. Speaking of halfwits, I was going to show you a cool video from slazo that talked about the worst of these Tide pods challenges and very fairly put these morons in their place, but the folks who run youtube took his video down, cuz God forbid you talk about current events. Meanwhile this CBS Tide pod video remains up. Cuz you know. Establishment. We live in a stupid world.
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Praying Mantises Are Killing Birds Worldwide And Eating Their Brains

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Praying Mantises Are Killing Birds Worldwide And Eating Their Brains
So basically Praying Mantises have been biding their time and now that the end is nigh, they are going full zombie and eating the brains of birds all over the world. Seems legit. They no doubt plan on eating bird brains until they absorb all of their flying powers and then we will have a new species that can poop on our heads. Great.

More like Preying Mantises. Am I right? Look at that pic. Dude is just munching on that bird brain as it hangs there. That would be like me hanging out a second story window with my teeth gripping a cow by the head, instead of just having a burger. It’s just showboating, which is why Mantises and me will never get along. Showoff zombie vermin!
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Spaghetti Eating Spaceman

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Spaghetti Eating Spaceman
You spacey cretin! Damn you Spaghetti Eating Spaceman! How dare you come to my planet and eat all of the spaghetti. How dare you sir! Stop slurping spaghetti while I yell at you. Stick to the pipe cleaners on your home planet!

But seriously… I see it’s bring your child to work day on Etsy once again. Kids do the darnedest things. Bless.