If you still need a night light to sleep, this may just be the right light for you. It’s actually pretty cool, as far as night lights go. Well, until you suffer PTSD from repeated alien abduction attempts. The UFO with Tractor Beam Lamp includes a multi-color tractor beam and the UFO disc comes in grey but can be customized to any color. It comes with a remote control, so you can turn it on and change the color of the light from across the room. I WANT TO BELIEVE.
Tag: alien abduction
Canadian UFO Event Depicted on New Coins
Sometimes UFOs abduct people and they take a poop sample. Why? No idea. Probably just another damn fetish. Their ships probably smell like ass. Let that sink in. Intergalactic ships just cruising through the galaxy smelling like ass. No air freshener in sight. Anywho, the Royal Canadian Mint has unveiled a new coin that celebrates a legendary UFO encounter in Manitoba. Way to go Canadians. You are celebrating some dude’s rectal exam.
The incident is known as the ‘Falcon Lake UFO event’ and it occurred in 1967 when Stefan Michalak spotted a pair of flying saucers while he was searching for precious metals and gems. Turns out the aliens were searching for precious metals and gems too. In his heinie-hole. I’m just guessing that’s what happened, cuz it always does.
So Canada is celebrating this on a new coin. I don’t have the heart to tell them that coins are typically round.
via CBC
UFO Abduction Insurance
Since 1987, UFO Abduction Insurance has been helping people deal with the alien menace. You have insurance for your car and your house right? Might as well have some for Uranus! Myanus too for that matter. Let’s cover all of our butts with some alien insurance!
UFO Abducting A Cow Christmas Ornament
This UFO Abducting A Cow Christmas Ornament with Light and Sound is going to abduct your Christmas and give it a thorough examination right up its chimney. It features lights, fiber optics, and a sound chip. The UFO lights up and makes a ray gun sound as it abducts that one Earthly beast. Sadly there’s no farmer to shoot his shotgun into the air and shake his fist, but I still think it’s cool.
Miami Politician Says Aliens Gave Her A Spaceship Ride
A congressional candidate from Miami, Bettina Rodriguez Aguilera, says she’s been aboard a spaceship crewed by aliens.
Three blond, big-bodied beings (Probably big-bootied too.) — two females, one male — visited her when she was 7 years old and have been communicating telepathically with her several times since. She is running for Congress currently. Probably because the aliens told her too. They like filling our government with their own people so they can further the alien agenda. Here are some of the things the aliens told her:
▪ There are 30,000 skulls — “different from humans” — in a cave in the Mediterranean island of Malta.
Good to know.
▪ The world’s “energy center” is in Africa.
Cool. We should totally tap that. I’d tap that real good.
▪ The Coral Castle, a limestone tourist attraction South Miami-Dade, is actually an ancient Egyptian pyramid.
Except it can’t be, because it’s in South Miami.
▪ “God is a universal energy.”
Cool. And religion is a universal remote.
via Miami Herald