Tag: the truth is out there

Alien Mummy In Coffin

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Alien Mummy In Coffin

Check out this Alien Mummy In Coffin. I’m positive it is authentic. No doubts whatsoever. The seller says so. It was supposedly found in the Carpathians in western Ukraine and is the body of an alien child that seems to not be subject to decay. Yep. This is totally the real deal. No question about it. And besides, This Alien Mummy In Coffin does look like one of the little guys who woke me up that night and ran a bunch of anus-related experiments. Fare thee well intergalactic freakazoids and thanks for the Prep-H.

Not to be confused with Mummy Mike.

3D Alien Heads

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3D Alien Heads

If you are looking for some framed art for your walls, you can’t do better than these out there 3D Alien Heads. You’ve heard the reports of them walking through walls before they abduct some innocent guy as they are just minding their own business doing the old five knuckle shuffle in bed. Well, this is what they look like as they come through your wall. Pretty scary stuff. Not only do you get caught yanking and cranking, but now you are abducted too. They have no shame.

I need some damn Alien Beer if I’m gonna go through another long drawn out abduction. Why do you keep picking me? You brought the lube this time right? Thank God for small miracles.

Alien Sleep Mask Is A No Sleep Mask For Your Partner

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Alien Sleep Mask
I can see two scenarios happening when you wear this Alien Sleep Mask. One- You wake up screaming thinking that you are being abducted, then get up and look in the mirror after pulling this mask up above your eyes, only to realize that YOU were the alien all along. That’s an M. Night Shamalamadingdong twist right there. Or two – Your wife wakes up next you, looks over at you and starts screaming. Meanwhile, the real aliens run out of the room like WTF.

Hand Carved Stone Alien Coasters

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Hand Carved Stone Alien Coasters
You know what these Hand Carved Stone Alien Coasters mean? It means that these aliens got stoned! What? Nothin’? Tough room. I’ll try to come up with a new slate of jokes. Anyway, these coasters are pretty cool. They’ll protect your surfaces from stains and spills, while reminding you to clench up those butt cheeks. Gotta get those muscles tight. Just in case, ya know? If they can’t get the probes in, the humans win. Simple as that. If it don’t fit, they must acquit and put ya back in bed.

UFO Abducting A Cow Christmas Ornament

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UFO Abducting A Cow Christmas Ornament
This UFO Abducting A Cow Christmas Ornament with Light and Sound is going to abduct your Christmas and give it a thorough examination right up its chimney. It features lights, fiber optics, and a sound chip. The UFO lights up and makes a ray gun sound as it abducts that one Earthly beast. Sadly there’s no farmer to shoot his shotgun into the air and shake his fist, but I still think it’s cool.