Tag: bizarre

Freddy Krueger’s Tongue Phone – AT & Tongue

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Freddy Krueger's Tongue Phone - AT & Tongue
Remember Freddy Krueger’s Tongue Phone from that one Nightmare on Elm Street movie? Of course, you do. This dude is the dream master and he knows how to create the most f***ed up nightmares that will haunt you forever. This is one of those things. You just can’t unsee it. I’m not being tongue in cheek, but I bet it uses the AT & Tongue network. Maybe T-Mobile cuz I always wondered what the T stood for. Definitely not the Mint network cuz this thing does not taste like a mint while it tries to get in your mouth. In fact, it could use a mint or four. We are gonna need a bigger tin of Altoids. Freddy wants to give you a good tongue lashing. A french Freddy kiss if you will. Freddy Krueger’s Tongue Phone is all about that tongue action. I think this disturbing Freddy Krueger doll is the same way.

Imagine trying to actually have a conversation on this phone while that thing is licking and lashing to and fro. Maybe you could give it some hard candy to keep it occupied. That way you can flap your gums and it can flap itself all it wants.

Coffin Office Chairs – Not R.I.P-Cliners

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Coffin Office Chairs - Not R.I.P-Cliners
Stuck in your dead end job? Is your workplace dead quiet? Is your CEO the Corpse Executive Officer? If any of those apply, these Coffin Office Chairs are for you. Perfect for that funeral home with a macabre sense of humor. Or if you are the Munsters or the Adams family. Just don’t fall asleep in these chairs, someone may cover you up with a matching coffin lid and toss you in the dirt. If you have these coffin office chairs in your office along with this coffin zen garden, you’ll have a great theme that will allow you to rest in peace. Which is a great thing during those long and super boring business meetings that could have been handled via email. God I hate those. You know what I mean? Because you feel half dead during those meetings anyway. Sadly it looks like the insides of these chairs are not as fancy and lush as that of the inside of a real coffin, which means they are not as comfortable as the real deal. If you’ve ever been in one, you know what I’m talking about. If you were lucky enough to get out again that is.

Via Technabob

Shrek Pooping Toothpaste Topper – Holy Shrek

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Shrek Pooping Toothpaste Topper - Holy Shrek
This Shrek pooping toothpaste topper will make your dreams come true. If you’ve ever wanted to watch Shrek take a dump anyway. That’s probably more of us than are willing to admit it. Come on, there’s nothing like taking a good Shrek. And that’s no Bull-Shrek. Now you and your kids can enjoy the big green guy as he squeezes some soft serve from his sensitive cheeks. Right onto your toothbrush. It looks like the big green guy has been drinking a lot of milk. Or something white. That can’t be good. If that happens you see a doctor. You see parents, this is how you get your kids to brush their teeth. It’s gross and fun. That’s a combination that kids love. They will be making fart sounds as it comes out. Haha. Look mom, he just sh*t himself. That’s cool son. Now get that gooey butt paste into your mouth and brush ’em. I bought your dentist a new Porsche last month and now he’s eyeing up a boat. So Shrek better be pooping 3 times a day.

That’s a good goal for all of us honestly. It reminds me of this crazy goblin made from assorted junk.

Barbie – Shave And Play

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Shave And Play Barbie
Barbie goes Au Naturel with Shave And Play Barbie. You know Barbie? This is her slightly less-groomed cousin, Borbie. Borbie has a singular talent. Rapid and excessive hair growth. Testosterone overload! How fast can you grow a beard? Doesn’t matter. You’ve got nothing on Borbie. She discovered this propensity for body hair during the great pandemic of 2020. She had nowhere to go, no one to see, and not a soul to impress. “Why not let it all go?” she asked herself. Why not, indeed? One week of neglecting the razor soon led to two, then three, then an entire year went by. Sasquatch sightings were on the rise. Borbie was liberated. Free of the restraints of grooming, she celebrated her flowing body hair just like anyone else, with a mini dress and colorful eyeshadow. Hey, what’s wrong with that? Works for me. She has more hair on her face than a wolfman and more hair on her chest than a… manly man. I’m not even gonna talk about that other area. Also check out Cyclops Fashion Barbie. Like a true Karen, she sees everything. Whether she then asks for the manager I can’t say. But good luck finding eyewear at Pearlvision biatch.

Fly Coasters – Coffee Rings Can Buzz Off

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fly coasters
Creepy, crawly, flies swarm all around these fly coasters! Does the thought of bugs creeping and flying around your face make you want to scream? *Rauses my own hand* These gothic fly coasters will definitely send you running! Just keep swatting….these flies won’t die! Hear their buzz, feel their creepy, little feet. Eternal, stone flies buzz around you for eternity from within the soul of this item. You know what I hate. How flies land all over your food when you are just trying to have a nice little picnic. Hey, thanks for laying eggs all over my hot dog, which I will then ingest as I harbor your mutant offspring in my stomach. This is why flies are evil.

They’re a curiosity for Halloween or anytime! Feel the buzz. The flies are coming! Forever filthy, buzzing flies, locked in stone for eternity. Or, are they???? Keep your flyswatter handy! If you happen to love these evil insects, check out these Fly earrings.