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Fly Coasters – Coffee Rings Can Buzz Off

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fly coasters
Creepy, crawly, flies swarm all around these fly coasters! Does the thought of bugs creeping and flying around your face make you want to scream? *Rauses my own hand* These gothic fly coasters will definitely send you running! Just keep swatting….these flies won’t die! Hear their buzz, feel their creepy, little feet. Eternal, stone flies buzz around you for eternity from within the soul of this item. You know what I hate. How flies land all over your food when you are just trying to have a nice little picnic. Hey, thanks for laying eggs all over my hot dog, which I will then ingest as I harbor your mutant offspring in my stomach. This is why flies are evil.

They’re a curiosity for Halloween or anytime! Feel the buzz. The flies are coming! Forever filthy, buzzing flies, locked in stone for eternity. Or, are they???? Keep your flyswatter handy! If you happen to love these evil insects, check out these Fly earrings.

Dill Pickle Scented Alien Head Candle

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Dill Pickle Scented Alien Head Candle
So what’s the big dill? This Dill Pickle scented Alien head candle, that’s what. Why dill? Why the hell not? For all I know that’s what they probe you with. That would be quite a pickle. Definitely not an i-dill situation. Anyway, if you want the sweet scent of dill while staring at a burning alien head you might be high and if not you can have that experience right here with this strange Scented Alien Head Candle. It doesn’t probe my bung-hole so much as it blows my mind.

Now I’m gonna open up a jar of pickles and put them in briefcases so we can all play dill or no deal like I was Howie Man-dill. That would be my I-dill Friday night anyway. That show is a vlasic. I mean a classic. And I think I just ran out of pickle jokes. It had to happen sooner or later. Nothing lasts forever. Not even a green alien head candle burning brightly while emitting the sweet scent of pickles. Which are just elderly cucumbers if we are being honest. If I sound drunk it’s because I am. I’ve been downing loads of this Alien Beer. It is not pickle flavored.

Scary Stories Throw Blanket

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Scary Stories Throw Blanket
I’m under my Scary Stories Throw Blanket and ready for my scary stories right now. Which one of you is ready to read? You know the drill, I hide under the blanket, fall asleep within 5 minutes and you get to watch a wet spot slowly appear like a specter from my nether region. I know, I’m a real catch. I’m the scariest story. Ask any mother. Hell, ask anybody.

This blanket is inspired by the actual Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark book and will keep you warm while stories are being told. It’s a throw blanket so just throw it anywhere and everywhere. Toss it here and toss it there. Toss it everywhere. Toss your salad underneath. If you have a throw blanket you’re required to throw it like 10 times a day. It’s in the name. And I’m pretty sure that is federal law. All I know is that this is enough to get the “wet” out from the nightmare stories of the night before, but that’s just me. And hey, if dark mermaids are more your thing, check out this Mermaid Skeleton Blanket. It is pretty sexy and like totally goth and will look amazing in your home.

Creepy Murderous Mushroom Doll – Holy Shiitake!

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Creepy Murderous Mushroom Doll - Holy Shiitake!
We’ve seen some creepy dolls, but Holy Shiitake Batman! That is one crazed killer and creepy Murderous Mushroom Doll. Look at him. Did I just assume his gender? Deal with it. I mean if it has a mushroom head… He loves his mini murder spree and rusty-ass knife. That much is clear. The horror! Still, he looks like a fun-gi. Wanna hear a joke? I thought so. Where do they make prison food? In the Mush-Room. Get it? Ha ha ha ha ha. Don’t shank me bro! Anyway, why do toads need a stool? Take this Mushroom Doll home, and he won’t take up mushroom at all. I promise. Probably more truffle than he’s worth though to be honest.

Keep your eye on this little guy. He’s been trippin on his own juices. If you do buy this little guy make sure you set him up in a shroom with a view. You know. He likes his space is all I’m sayin. All I know is that the mushroom kingdom is not at all what the Mario games promised me it would be. It’s more nightmare than colorful platforming fun with my little cartoon buds. Nope. Not at all. Shudders.

Black Death Scented Candle – Smell The Plague

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Black Death Scented Candle
Relive the horrors of the plague with this Black Death Scented Candle. I’m not really sure what that smells like, but it’s gotta be an improvement to my bathroom after I take a massive, so I’m sold. Wait a minute. It says that the fragrance is Autumn Leaves. That doesn’t sound like black death to me. I’ll just stick with the plague that I know in my bathroom. Clearly I need a plague doctor.