Tag: bizarre

Articulated Misfits Devil Rat Doll

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Articulated Misfits Devil Rat Doll

Now you can have your very own Articulated Misfits Devil Rat Doll. Why the hell not? Like I don’t have enough problems without some Devil Rat doll coming to life and doing the freaky deeky all up in here. Sure its cool looking. Both cute and evil at the same time. But no good can come from this thing. I’ve had pets like this before, so I know what I’m talking about. Like that rat clock. It’s always terror time around here.

It is creepy cool. Plus he wont leave droppings everywhere like a real rat. You won’t have to say rats! and clean it up. Or drats. Or even bats. Or tell him yo scat! Get it? That’s some poop humor right there. Probably why I feel flushed. heh! I still got it.

Pillbug Action Figures – I’m Dread-Pilled

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Pillbug Action Figures - I'm Dread-Pilled

Oh man, these Pillbug Action Figures are freakin’ cool. I’m red-pilled, or is it black-pilled? I can never keep it straight.  I’m Dread-Pilled. Totally pillbugged the fug out! I can finally play with nasty dirt creatures in my own home, in a way that won’t gross me out. Whose up for a cool pillbug action figures fight? My house. Tomorrow. At noon. I’m ready to mash these crazy ugly bugs together as we make noises. Sadly, my mom will find whatever the cheap version is and buy me that. I wouldn’t be surprised if she glued a bunch of Prozac to some bug legs. It’s happened before ya know.

Look honey, I got you the latest popular action figure. This one is even better because it is a real pill bug. Yeah thanks. Why couldn’t you tell me before I had it all in mouth, like the 5 year old that I am?

It’s a thrill bug baby. Or a chill bug. Depending on what medication she had in her purse when she manufactured it like Mommy Mattel in her crazy kid’s lab, whipping up all kinds of child unfriendly toys. Yeah, mom is a lot weird.

Nightmare Halloween Pumpkin Skulls

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Nightmare Halloween Pumpkin Skulls
Holy hell these are some terrifying Nightmare Halloween Pumpkin Skulls. I’ve seen my share of skeletons, skulls, bones, brains ghosts, ghouls, goblins and other assorted horrors, but I’ve never seen any skulls scarier than these. If you have these horrors on your porch this Halloween, the kids that come to your door are going to be scared senseless. You may hear a lot of screaming, followed by running on the big night. You no good little brats aren’t going to be smashing these pumpkins. These here pumpkins can defend themselves. These undead heads are hungry and ready to eat and I’m pretty sure they aren’t after any candy. In fact candy will be littering the streets this Halloween as children and adults disappear mysteriously. Which is great for me actually. I’m gonna bring a snow shovel and a pick up truck and clean it all up. Man these things are freaky looking. It is now truly a Halloween of horrors now that I have seen them. If I could find a mask like these Nightmare Halloween Pumpkin Skulls, I would so win Halloween and get whatever prize one gets for winning the best part of October. Also check out these cool pumpkin appendages.

Tongue Earrings – You Have Good Taste…Buds

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Tongue Earrings - You Have Good Taste...Buds
Well, these Tongue Earrings will certainly lick the competition. I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen pierced ears holding something else that is pierced. I was always told that a tongue in the ear was highly inappropriate, but I guess not. It’s not exactly my taste, but… I wonder if they leave your neck all moist as they swing and sway. They will give your ears real tongue-lashing.

Anyway, yes, these tongue earrings exist, and that is just the world we are living in. What else can I even say? It leaves me flabbergasted, Positively tongue-tied. If you like this, you’ll love the Freddy Krueger Tongue Phone.

Human Face Baseball Cap – Put Your Game Face On

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Human Face Baseball Cap - Put Your Game Face On
This Human Face Baseball Cap will let you put your game face on. Literally. Perfect for those of you who are two-faced, sh*t-faced, or tell bald-faced lies. You can blame it all on the extra face on your head. Take it to the ballpark so those behind you can be creeped out and wonder who you offed and how you sewed their face on your hat. Truly one of the most terrifying chapeaus I have ever seen. Probably because it is a chap. A chap’s face, at least. When you take this human face baseball cap off, it’s a face-off. During a double-header. Get it? Awesome piece of Creep Wear.

via Technabob