This is a Grumpy Old Man Face Necklace. I only showed one cuz one grumpy old coot looks pretty much like another. Grumpy old men are totally in style this season. Also, when you ladies wear this, it’s like man repellent. Let’s say you’re on a date and the guy gets all touchy-feely. That’s when this thing comes to life.

“Whoa Nelly. I’d move that hand mister. I dint raise this calf to be milked by the likes o you!” And this creepy coffin dodger doesn’t just have eyes on your upper half. Let’s say your date tries to make a move in a much lower area. “Got Dammit! Get off my lawn you somb-itch!”

Yeah, wear this old fart if you want, just don’t expect any sexy-time. At least the nose pendant can only smell what you are doing.