Check out this Alien Mummy In Coffin. I’m positive it is authentic. No doubts whatsoever. The seller says so. It was supposedly found in the Carpathians in western Ukraine and is the body of an alien child that seems to not be subject to decay. Yep. This is totally the real deal. No question about it. And besides, This Alien Mummy In Coffin does look like one of the little guys who woke me up that night and ran a bunch of anus-related experiments. Fare thee well intergalactic freakazoids and thanks for the Prep-H.
I think I saw something like this Mushroom Skeleton Art Doll once when I was trippin’ balls. It taught me the ways of the forest and had me eat all of it’s friends. Man, I spent a year in the forest that weekend. Look at this gal with her deathly bonnet. This is what Tim Burton’s Little House on the Prairie looks like. Growing in the shade of a tree, just waiting for something to pass by so she can be all deadly.
Unlike these skull mushrooms, this Mushroom Skeleton Art Doll is deadly cute. Dare I say sexy? We would get along good, cuz I’m also a fun-guy. Did I hear one of you groan at that joke? Oh spore me! Like you could do better. Mycelium is better than your-celium.
The seasons don’t fear the reaper, nor do the wind the sun and the rain. But I do. Do you? Imagine just living your life and minding your own business, when this guy shows up scythe in hand, to collect you and shuffle you off this mortal coil. But what can you do? He’s the reaper. Then again, maybe he’s all show. I bet he’s a wimp if someone just confronts him, and gives him a good kick in the nads. Anyway, this Grim Reaper Shelf Sitter is pretty awesome looking. He will sit on your shelf, in your garden, wherever you want. He just sits there looking cool as a cucumber, reminding you of one impending day, hopefully far in your future, when you get to meet the real deal. He makes a great piece of Gothic Garden Decor. I bet you are just dying to buy one. Set him in your garden and be like, “Hey how about being more of a trim reaper and helping me trim those hedges?” If you dig the Grim Reaper shelf sitter, you can also check out this Grim Reaper choker necklace.
Oh Hello Kitty OMFG! This horrific kitty of nightmares is everyone’s favorite kitty, but all funked up! She’s cute, she’s cuddly, she’s… Carnivorous?She’s my murderer! Oh, holy crap! Hello Kitty has a new addition to her adorable face. Pink perky bow, adorable pointy ears, sweet little whiskers….What’s this? Those are monster tentacles! And an open mouth of death with crooked human teeth! Plus, strings of sticky, slimy drool! This horrific kitty beast needs some dental work, pronto. And, maybe a bib while we are at it. Is that drool? Damn girl, get a napkin at least. Control yourself, Hello Kitty! How do you feel about tentacles? She says that they are all the better to squeeze you with. Hello Kitty’s got three! Don’t get too close! I hear she does body cavity searches at with those things. Probably works at an airport.
At least I don’t see any claws on Hello Kitty like these rhinestone claw nail rings. That mouth is dangerous enough and I bet her whiskers are razor sharp. One thing is for sure, I will never look at this character the same way again. I also really hope that she doesn’t look at me. Ever. Just please don’t even notice me.
So this is what everyone is raven about. This Black Raven With Secret Key is the perfect decor for your garden. What’s the key to? Your heart of course. How the hell should I know? They love shiny things. I should know since they keep pecking at my jewels. The family jewels that is. Why attack my crotch? What the hell is wrong with these black ravens? Must be my shiny zipper. I can’t even go outside anymore.
Yeah, so this one’s not for me, but you’ll probably love it. I’m better off with these stained glass ravens. But I can’t stop asking myself what that key is for? Is it a key to raven headquarters? Does he have all of the shiny stuff that he collected locked up in a vault and he keeps it close so no one can steal it all? Is he teaching other ravens to do this? Are we going to see birds everywhere wearing a key like this, maybe two or three, all decked out like Mr. T? I have so many questions and the bird ain’t talking. He ain’t even squawking. Mostly I just want to take a peek at his super secret stash.
