Hyper-Realistic Old Man Sculpture

Hyper-Realistic Old Man Sculpture
Damn, that is one realistic old man sculpture. He looks just like the guy that shook his fist and told me to get off his lawn yesterday. Hey, when you gotta go, you gotta go. At least I brought my own bag. I’m not an animal. It also looks like that guy who was trying to pay at the Post Office in pennies, but then realized he wanted to mail the pennies. I guess I’m age-ist because all these old people look the same to me. They all shout the same way too. They also all drive through Dunkin Donuts windows the same.

This guy is freaking me out, like he wants to lure me into his old-person-smelling home with hard candy, and tell me boring stories for like 3 hours. 2 hours I don’t mind, cuz it’s good candy, but learn how to edit. I give most of the stories 2 out of 4 stars cuz they lack monsters, dragons and Star Wars stuff.

Damn, that is creepy realistic. I can almost see him reaching for his change purse to see if he has enough to pay for those 11 items in the 10 items or less lane.

Grumpy Old Man Face Necklaces

Grumpy Old Man Face Necklaces
This is a Grumpy Old Man Face Necklace. I only showed one cuz one grumpy old coot looks pretty much like another. Grumpy old men are totally in style this season. Also, when you ladies wear this, it’s like man repellent. Let’s say you’re on a date and the guy gets all touchy-feely. That’s when this thing comes to life.

“Whoa Nelly. I’d move that hand mister. I dint raise this calf to be milked by the likes o you!” And this creepy coffin dodger doesn’t just have eyes on your upper half. Let’s say your date tries to make a move in a much lower area. “Got Dammit! Get off my lawn you somb-itch!”

Yeah, wear this old fart if you want, just don’t expect any sexy-time. At least the nose pendant can only smell what you are doing.