If you like to play your jams really really slow and leave a snail trail all over the stage, this Snail Ukulele should do the trick. You’ll have to get it by snail mail of course. You can check out a video of it in action below.It sounds pretty friggin’ awesome if you ask me.
I would get one, but I know people would just throw salt at me on stage. Then where would I be? Just standing there teary-eyed, my dreams dashed, with my arms full of a melting snail ukulele. Though that would be a step up from the rotten fruit and hazardous materials they throw at me now. Plus, I could finish a song and say cool stuff like. “Thank you. Thank you. Totally snailed it, I know” *bows, only to get hit in the head with a salt shaker*
People would follow me from gig to gig trying to kill my snail guitar and shut me up, because it isn’t easy getting salt all the way on stage. They would start with salt shakers, then work their way up to shotgun shells loaded with salt. I would just laugh and count my money as I watch my snail’s shell get bigger. Then one hot August night someone would drive a dumpster full of salt through the door and completely cover the stage. I would just rise up from the giant white mound, clear my throat and announce, “Ladies and gentlemen. Snailvis has left the building”.
Salt? Pfttt! It was a snail ukulele. If you didn’t like it, you could have just slugged it out with him.
Read more “Snail Ukulele, For Slow Jams”
This guitar is gonna rock you like a hurricane and then not fix your house and make off with your insurance money. It’s wicked awesome. And since a skull and bones means poison, you can call your band Poison. Oh, that’e been taken? How about “Ladies and gentlemen…I present…If Swallowed, Induce Vomiting!” The crowd goes wild.