Tag: guitar

Frankenstein Hand Wall Hook or Guitar Hanger

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Frankenstein Hand Wall Hook or Guitar Hanger
Everybody give a hand to the Frankenstein Hand Wall Hook or Guitar Hanger! *Crowd goes wild* Pretty handy. I’d read his palm, but I would have him in stitches. I have a million of ’em. Like this one:

What do you say when Dr. Frankenstein creates a pile of smokey goo instead of a re-animated monster? Then leaves it sit overnight smelling rotten? *Clears throat* I say, “To the Victor go the spoils…” Get it? Ha ha ha ha ha. Cuz his name is Victor and it is spoiled! Man, I crack myself up. Mostly cuz I’m on crack, but I’mma pretty funny dude too.

Coffin Instrument Cases

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Coffin Instrument Cases
These Coffin Instrument Cases are perfect if your band’s name is the Grateful Dead, or The Dead Kennedys, or… I can’t think of anymore. Must be the ADD I’ve heard so much about. And then promptly forgot. Where was I? Ohhhh there’s an orb in that image. Well, now we know there’s a ghost attached to this instrument case. Cuz everyone knows that floating dust particles are ghosts.

Maybe it’s Roy Orbison! Or ELO. You know, Electric Light Orb-chestra! I crack my self up like Humpty Dumpty falling off a wall. I’m a bad egg.
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Custom Painted Skeleton Guitar

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painted skeleton guitar
This Custom Painted Skeleton Guitar is pretty cool. Bands and singers that use this? Well, there’s PElvis Presley of course. Bone Thugs N Harmony. Spinal Tap. Just to name a few. Pretty awesome.

But what really freaks me out is the second image below. It’s like a friggin’ I Spy game. Everytime I thought I spotted everything, I found something else. Would it kill ya to clean up when we come over? I spy with my little eye:

A ghost child or apparition on the left.
A coffin bookcase.
A bust with one arm.
A tan dog’s feet.
A black dog asleep. (Are they both just one big dog?)
A used tissue.
Oh and a skeleton guitar.

Play along in the comments. Did I miss anything?
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Snail Ukulele, For Slow Jams

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acoustic snail ukelele
If you like to play your jams really really slow and leave a snail trail all over the stage, this Snail Ukulele should do the trick. You’ll have to get it by snail mail of course. You can check out a video of it in action below.It sounds pretty friggin’ awesome if you ask me.

I would get one, but I know people would just throw salt at me on stage. Then where would I be? Just standing there teary-eyed, my dreams dashed, with my arms full of a melting snail ukulele. Though that would be a step up from the rotten fruit and hazardous materials they throw at me now. Plus, I could finish a song and say cool stuff like. “Thank you. Thank you. Totally snailed it, I know” *bows, only to get hit in the head with a salt shaker*

People would follow me from gig to gig trying to kill my snail guitar and shut me up, because it isn’t easy getting salt all the way on stage. They would start with salt shakers, then work their way up to shotgun shells loaded with salt. I would just laugh and count my money as I watch my snail’s shell get bigger. Then one hot August night someone would drive a dumpster full of salt through the door and completely cover the stage. I would just rise up from the giant white mound, clear my throat and announce, “Ladies and gentlemen. Snailvis has left the building”.

Salt? Pfttt! It was a snail ukulele. If you didn’t like it, you could have just slugged it out with him.
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Glow In The Dark Skull And Bones Guitar

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skull and bones guitarThis guitar is gonna rock you like a hurricane and then not fix your house and make off with your insurance money. It’s wicked awesome. And since a skull and bones means poison, you can call your band Poison. Oh, that’e been taken? How about “Ladies and gentlemen…I present…If Swallowed, Induce Vomiting!” The crowd goes wild.

This $1,299.00 guitar is going to get you all of the ladies. All of the Goth ladies.