Tag: nosferatu

Nosferato Vampire Figurine

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Nosferato Vampire Figurine
Damn son. This Nosferato Vampire Figurine needs to be on my castle shelf now! As the kids say, this thing looks sick. He’s just waking up from a long nap, wiping the cobwebs off his head, shaking that stake out of his chest, and stretching his wings. He’s looking a little gaunt. Get this dude some blood stat! That means right away people. Let’s go! We have a dry vampire here. We need plasma now. Speaking of vampires, check out this Vampire Heart Necklace. Because we all heart vampires. You know you love them. I’ve seen your I heart vampires bumper sticker. It’s cool, I have one too. Give this Nosferato Vampire Figurine a home.

Nosferatu
Goes by Ross Feratu

Sleeping in da day
Partying at night

If you tussle with this mother***ker
You know he gonna bite!

Word!

Nosferatu’s Hand Belt Buckle

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Nosferatu's Hand Belt Buckle
Nosferatu’s veiny and ring-fingered hand hovering over my junk? That doesn’t sound like a good time to me, but if you want a vampire’s hand to hover over your wooden stake, then this Nosferatu’s Hand Belt Buckle is for you. Nosferatu is a weird name. I used to have a friend named Josh Feratu, who liked to have a nosh feratu, but he was stinky and in need of a wash feratu. Oh my gosh feratu!

And this is why you don’t send an idiot to do a blogger’s job. Way too late for that. This idiot has been in charge the whole time. And this idiot doesn’t need some Vampire Nightstalker’s hand over his business to feel manly. My own hand will do just fine, thanks. Well, I didn’t mean it like that. Well, I didn’t, but now that I think about it… Could be fun.

Unhand my manhood Nosferatu! This Nosferatu’s Hand Belt Buckle is getting freaky with me. It does go with the Nosferatu jacket though. Anyway, I just rubbed my man junk in garlic so the joke’s on you belt buckle. And on that guy in the next urinal who nearly passed out when I unzipped my fly.

Vampire Cufflinks

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Vampire Cufflinks
Look at these twin Nosferatu heads. Those are some sweet Vampire Cufflinks. I’m assuming that rather than attaching them to your cuffs yourself, they just kinda bite down and do it themselves. Probably drawing some blood in the process. So that by the time you get done with your fancy event, you basically have bled out. I can’t decide if they are ugly or cute. Maybe both. Great accessory. Maybe bring some band aids with you.

They beat these Human Teeth Cufflinks.

Nosferatu Jacket

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Nosferatu Jacket
Sweeeet! I can wear this Nosferatu Jacket and be a one-man vampire biker gang from the back and a pin-striped old tomey gangster from the front. Without a bike, sure, but nobody knows that. I guess they do now, but whatevs. It’s gonna be so sweet. My gang is called the Nosferatus. Or maybe I’ll just call it PBS. People will think we are all intellectual, watching Masterpiece Theater, but it just stands for Pale Blood Suckers. “Here lies y body” Don’t get it. Must be like a math problem. Y=Nosferatu, but I don’t get the rest. Pin-stripes in front and biker jacket in back baby!
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Horror Movie-Inspired Pop-Tarts From Kill-oggs

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Horror Movie-Inspired Pop-Tarts
Pop-Tarts. It’s what’s for dinner! Although these might make you lose your appetite. Artist Newt Cloninger-Clements created these Horror Movie-Inspired Pop-Tarts for a not so well balanced breakfast. In fact, it’s a very unstable breakfast, with tendencies toward murder and gore. That “Evil Dead” version is just perfect. I also dig the Nosferatu flavor. Nosfera-tart! Hit up Newt Cloninger-Clements page for more. Try not to eat too many kids, cuz Pop-Tarts can turn into Pop-Sharts in a heartbeat and you didn’t bring a change of pants.
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