These Gothic Storage Jars fill your kitchen with enough bats to drive you batty. Sugar, tea, and coffee storage jars never looked so good. I had no idea they made storage jars for this stuff. I can finally get rid of those mounds of sugar on my counter. I’ll have to sift out the ants first, but totally worth it. I can also get rid of that pile of flour in the cabinet. I usually get rid of it just by opening the cabinet, because it all falls out. These are going to look great in my kitchen. You can never have too many bats in the belfry after all. Go Goth or go home! Hey where ya going? You’re supposed to go goth and NOT go home when I say that. Oh you went goth AND are going home? Well, that’s rude. I was going to show you my cool batwing coffin necklace. Now you can forget it. And I’m not sharing these Gothic Storage Jars either. So there.
Category: Just Plain Weird
Demon Hit By Dart Magnet – You Win
Demon hunting is hard. But it’s much easier when you can get ’em in front of the dartboard. This Demon Hit By Dart Magnet wins you the game every time. Hitting the bullseye doesn’t mean crap unless you impale an evil creature on the way there. I’m not sure how many points that is worth though. Probably depends on how evil it is and what level of hell it’s from. The trick is to get them to stay still while you lob darts at their evil asses. I guess you have to glue them in place or tie them up. Maybe have a priest say a few words to hold them in place. You have to give it to the creator of this magnet. It looks awesome. Creepy as hell, but cool too. That’s some great execution! Get it? If this evil creature enjoyed beer it would be an impaled ale. Know what I’m sayin’? I wonder if demonic darts will ever catch on in the finest bars and pubs. And what would you do with those little bodies afterward? Somebody should play some darts with this demonic doll. I’m out. Gotta go play some darts myself. I have several targets.
Canned Mermaids – Sardine Dames
Who wants a tin of canned mermaids? Looks pretty crowded in there. I bet these dames are tasty though. Very salty probably. I like the old-timey hair. That’s how you know they’ve been in there for a while. Well, that and the smell. Okay, close that up! Oh crap, you can’t close the tin once it’s opened. It smells like the ocean farted and made every whale barf. Open a window and grab my gas mask. Look at them! A chorus line of ca-ca fouling my space!
At first, I thought these Canned Mermaids were canned, as in fired. But then I wondered why you never see any mermaid maids. Then I fell asleep and spilled my whiskey. Thought I peed myself, but nope. Then squeezed the crotch area on my pants and recycled my drink, cuz I love the Earth. So it’s been a full day.
Do the can can can! Do the can can can!
Stained Glass Ravens For Your Gothic Garden
Stained Glass Ravens. I love that phrase. I can’t stop saying it. It’s fun. Just rolls off the tongue. Not sure what they’re stained with, but they look amazing. Perfect for your gothic home or garden. If I could talk to these birds, I would say stuff like, “Your ass is glass!” and “Nevermore!” and “What are you raven about?” But I can’t. Not until I buy a set. I just spent all of my money on crows. Hey, I needed something to crow about.
Anyone crowing about ravens? Or ravening about crows? Hey, I just met you. This might be crazy. Here’s my number, so CAW me maybe… I know, that’s terrible. Feel free to caw me out. Seriously though, these Stained Glass Ravens look all kinds of cool. Yes, I restrained myself from saying caw again. I may be crazy but I do have self-restraint and I’m also very talon-ted. What? What did I say? Anyway, they look awesome. I’m going to see if they attract more ravens to my house.
Slightly off topic, why did they never call kids who attended raves ravens? Seems like a no-brainer. Which is probably why I thought of it. I have no brain.
Creepy Valentines Day Cards – Coffin Cards
These Valentines Day cards are coffin cards and are a great way to celebrate Valentine’s Day. The seller makes all kinds of gothic and creepy cards for all occasions. They all look amazing. This one says I’m Batty For You. That’s why this one is going out to all of our readers because it’s true. I’m also bratty for you. And fatty for you, since I ate the candy I was going to give you. Just open this chilling card, write your message inside and send it off to your Valentine. Your batty valentine. Preferably valentines day cards should be sent by bat. If you don’t have a bat, the mailman will have to do. Maybe glue some bat wings to his uniform when he turns to go.
People don’t send enough cards these days. Darn kids. All they want to do is smash on their tic tocs with some guy name Liga Johnson. I just don’t get it. What I do get is that these are some cool greeting cards. Or are they bleeting cards? Bats bleet right? That’s a word right? That’s a thing. I think. Well, it’s a thing now. Send one to someone you love today.