Tag: valentine’s day

Creepy Valentines Day Cards – Coffin Cards

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Creepy Valentines Day Cards - Coffin Cards
These Valentines Day cards are coffin cards and are a great way to celebrate Valentine’s Day. The seller makes all kinds of gothic and creepy cards for all occasions. They all look amazing. This one says I’m Batty For You. That’s why this one is going out to all of our readers because it’s true. I’m also bratty for you. And fatty for you, since I ate the candy I was going to give you. Just open this chilling card, write your message inside and send it off to your Valentine. Your batty valentine. Preferably valentines day cards should be sent by bat. If you don’t have a bat, the mailman will have to do. Maybe glue some bat wings to his uniform when he turns to go.

People don’t send enough cards these days. Darn kids. All they want to do is smash on their tic tocs with some guy name Liga Johnson. I just don’t get it. What I do get is that these are some cool greeting cards. Or are they bleeting cards? Bats bleet right? That’s a word right? That’s a thing. I think. Well, it’s a thing now. Send one to someone you love today.

Fatally Yours Gourmet Chocolate Box

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Fatally Yours Gourmet Chocolate Box
Sorry I’m a month late, but here’s your Valentine’s day gift. See why I am forever alone? This Fatally Yours Gourmet Chocolate Box makes an awesome gift. As long as it’s not late. Things are always better when they’re not late. Like bills and periods. This box is full of chocolate skulls, bones, coffins, and anatomically-correct hearts. Order one early for next year so you aren’t late. These chocolates look diabolical and delicious.

Funny story. When I first saw the name of these chocolates I thought it said Fetally yours. I was disappointed that it wasn’t full of cute little chocolate fetuses, some with creamy nougat filling, some with almonds… But you know how I like weird stuff.
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Frankenstein’s Monster And The Bride Of Frankenstein Pillow Cases

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Frankenstein's Monster And The Bride Of Frankenstein Pillow Cases
What a lovely couple. Let’s hope they don’t reproduce. But enough about me and my wife. These Frankenstein’s Monster And The Bride Of Frankenstein Pillow Cases are the perfect gift for that couple that has a monster of a marriage. I would put these on my bed, but it already looks like that when we are both laying there seething at each other.

You monster!

No, you’re the monster!

I’m Doctor Frankenstein so you must be my monster!

If I’m the monster than you are the bride of the monster!

You’re the monster! Infinity!

I Love The Poop Out Of You Toilet Paper

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I Love The Poop Out Of You Toilet Paper
I love you guys. And to show you, here’s some I Love The Poop Out Of You Toilet Paper. I really do you know. Glad to help you evacuate your colon. This is the perfect Valentine’s Day gift for anyone, because we all have to poop. I know that I want others to think about me every time they wipe.

It’s functional. It’s thoughtful. It gets your butt clean. Give them chocolates to make them poop and then give them the gift of wiping. Like my dad used to say to my mom, “Here’s something for your mouth and something for your butt. Happy Valentine’s Day.”

Bunny Butts In A Flower Pot

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Bunny Butts In A Flower Pot
Give the gift of Bunny Butts In A Flower Pot this Valentine’s Day or Easter. Because there’s nothing quite like being mooned by nature’s carrot eaters. Reminds me of that time I fell in and got stuck in the garbage can cuz the wife threw out a Reeses cup. On one hand, it was like being in a dark mine shaft upside down. On the up side, the wife had also thrown out a box of twinkies so… I had provisions.

Thank God for the fire department who used a dremmel to cut the garbage can in half. But not before using my exposed plumbers crack as a tool tray. “YO, that screwdriver is cold!” The other half of the garbage can was stuck to my gut for like a week until I lost weight. Kids called me “Fatty the Scottish Knight”. You know, cuz of my metal kilt and all. Kids can be so cruel.