Tag: beer

Barstool Racer: Drinking And Driving Optional

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

bar stool racerThis sweet barstool racer starts at $99.99. Too bad it will end without a bid. Because you know, it’s tough to sit on a barstool and drink, while driving at the same time. Plus, where ya gonna go besides your own back yard? Where the neighbors will watch your crazy antics. Especially if you install a wood side table, so you can have some peanuts or pretzels. It’s the full bar experience on the move.

I’m going to the bar. *vroom vroom* Dig me out of the neighbor’s bush in like 2 hours. I don’t care how that sounds.

Beer Bottle Telephone For All Your Drunk Dialing Needs

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

beer telephoneDrunk dialing will take on a whole new meaning with this awesome Beer Bottle telephone. “Hello, alcohol? I lob you man. No, really. Yer like, my faborite thing ever.” *hiccup* “What? Nah. No man. I meant to dial you. Alcohol is just a term of endangerment. I mean endearment.”

*Nods off and jolts awake* “Hello! I’d like to make a collect call to my liber, uh, liver. Make it quick brewmaster, or operator, or whatever. He’s drowning.” *decorates the wall with a puke jet-stream. Wipes mouth with arm* “Nevermind. All better now. Can you get me a cleaning lady instead?”
Read more “Beer Bottle Telephone For All Your Drunk Dialing Needs”

Weird Taxidermy: Two Frogs Walk Into A Bar

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

beer drinking frogsSomeone paid $25. for this. These guys are having a drinking contest. The guy on the left just slammed his bottle down, slammed down his hand and is like, “I effing got this!” *Huge frog burp* The guy on the right doesn’t even care. He’s just happy to be inebriated since the other frog is paying.

Fun fact: Carta Blanca means “blank check”. I know that because my landlord challenged me to a drinking contest once. Halfway through, he’s all like “Carta Blanca! Rent Gringo!” I’m like, “What? You know I don’t speak landlord.” He’s all like, “Pay rent. You sign. Leave amount blanca. That space for me to fill out.”

Now I know better. Fool me once shame on me, fool me twice, shame on you. Now I get a discount on rent, because his buddy(Guy named Coyote apparently) comes around once a month and hides stuff in my house. Sometimes people. It’s a game they play.