Tag: odd

Canned Mermaids – Sardine Dames

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Canned Mermaids - Sardine Dames

Who wants a tin of canned mermaids? Looks pretty crowded in there. I bet these dames are tasty though. Very salty probably. I like the old-timey hair. That’s how you know they’ve been in there for a while. Well, that and the smell. Okay, close that up! Oh crap, you can’t close the tin once it’s opened. It smells like the ocean farted and made every whale barf. Open a window and grab my gas mask. Look at them! A chorus line of ca-ca fouling my space!

At first, I thought these Canned Mermaids were canned, as in fired. But then I wondered why you never see any mermaid maids. Then I fell asleep and spilled my whiskey. Thought I peed myself, but nope. Then squeezed the crotch area on my pants and recycled my drink, cuz I love the Earth. So it’s been a full day.

Do the can can can! Do the can can can!

Stained Glass Ravens For Your Gothic Garden

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Stained Glass Ravens For Your Gothic Garden
Stained Glass Ravens. I love that phrase. I can’t stop saying it. It’s fun. Just rolls off the tongue. Not sure what they’re stained with, but they look amazing. Perfect for your gothic home or garden. If I could talk to these birds, I would say stuff like, “Your ass is glass!” and “Nevermore!” and “What are you raven about?” But I can’t. Not until I buy a set. I just spent all of my money on crows. Hey, I needed something to crow about.

Anyone crowing about ravens? Or ravening about crows? Hey, I just met you. This might be crazy. Here’s my number, so CAW me maybe… I know, that’s terrible. Feel free to caw me out. Seriously though, these Stained Glass Ravens look all kinds of cool. Yes, I restrained myself from saying caw again. I may be crazy but I do have self-restraint and I’m also very talon-ted. What? What did I say? Anyway, they look awesome. I’m going to see if they attract more ravens to my house.

Slightly off topic, why did they never call kids who attended raves ravens? Seems like a no-brainer. Which is probably why I thought of it. I have no brain.

Grim Reaper Scythe Choker Necklace – Why So Grim?

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Grim Reaper Scythe Choker Necklace
This Grim Reaper Scythe Choker Necklace won’t give you the power over who lives and who dies, but it will get you noticed. (Hopefully not by the reaper himself. You don’t want to be noticed by him.) And also make people keep their distance from you. It’s the Grim Reaper‘s weapon of choice right there on your chest as a cool and creepy accessory. Why is he so grim anyway? Seems like a sweet job. Kind of a breeze. Some people are just grumpy and never happy.

You have a list of names and you use that list to shuffle folks off of this mortal coil while holding your Grim Reaper Scythe. Some people are never happy. I guess there’s no room for promotion though. Hey, I’m in the bidness and I just got promoted. And I’m aiming to take his job. I’ll be the happy reap- Wait! Who shouted “bum reaper”? No respect! Now you are on my list. You are the first one. Congratulations. I hope you like a scythe where the sun don’t shine. Anyone else? Huh? Does anyone else have anything to say? Yeah, that’s what I thought. Man I really hate this job already.

 

Bat Wing Sunglasses For The Goth Goddess

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Bat Wing Sunglasses
Do you see the world through rose-colored glasses? Not me, I see bats. Probably cuz they’re always attacking my face. I guess I just have that kind of face. Or at least I used to before it was all eaten away. Anyway, check out these awesome Bat Wing Sunglasses. Batgirl would definitely wear these. They give your face some serious attitude. Or should I say bat-titude? Especially when you make those pouty lips like this cute chica is doing. Yes, it makes me want you. Don’t ever change my dear and don’t ever change your style. I’m wearing these on Baturday, the best day of the week. Of course, every day is Baturday when you wear these.

Baturday, in the park. I think it was the fourth of July… Get your face all goth, don’t be a sloth! These Bat Wing Sunglasses are the bats nads dude!

Bird Plague Doctor Mask – Just In Time

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Bird Plague Doctor Mask - Just In Time
Yeah, this is me giving you the bird. The Bird Plague Doctor Mask. Because we live in weird times. I like how it looks really filthy like it’s made from dead bone. Hey, maybe wash every now and then and then you won’t have plagues that you need a mask for. Just an idea. Call me crazy but a little bit of soap goes a long way my bird brotha. Somehow I don’t think people would appreciate it if you walked around your local town in this while everyone is sheltering in place. I’m social distancing myself from all bird people until this thing is over with. Heck, maybe I’ll wear this thing and shelter in nest. Making cawing noises as is appropriate for the end times. Where are you hauling me off too? I was cawing, nit coughing! Caw! Caw! Caw my lawyer! I don’t have the caw vid.

This Plague Doctor Doll is just as cool as the Bird Plague Doctor Mask above but cuter.