Tag: tools

Cthulhu Fireside Companion Set

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Cthulhu Fireside Companion Set
This Cthulhu Fireside Companion Set is a set of cool tools for your fireplace. Probably forged by a blacksmith with some Cthulhu tentacle slime to give it magical properties. It is a “set”, not an actual “Cthulhu Fireside Companion”, cuz trust me, that doesn’t work.

Thanks for being my companion as I sit by the fire, Cthulhu. Hey, stop squirming. I know you barely fit in that chair, what with your butt-tentacles and all, but damn, sit still. What do you mean it’s too hot in here? Okay, so your skin is drying out. Put on some moisturizer. Damn, stop complaining and just enjoy an evening by the fire! You know something? You are not a good fireside pal!
Read more “Cthulhu Fireside Companion Set”

Duck Tape Scents: Fix Stuff, Make It Smell Good

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

duct tape scents
You can fix anything with Duct Tape/Duck Tape and now you can make those things smell pleasant thanks to Duck Tape Scents. At first I thought this was tape that smelled like a duck, but I was just being a silly goose.

You feeling plucky punk? Then grab some Duck Tape Scents and start fixing stuff. Look people, stuff that is fixed in a redneck way isn’t supposed to smell like flowers or candy. It’s supposed to smell like Pabst Blue Ribbon, Chicken wings and shame. Cuz you spilled it on your tape before you used it.

They come in so many scents, it’s really ducked up.

Chocolate Tools

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

chocolate tools
Everybody needs some chocolate tools in their toolbox. These tools are made from chocolate. So if you have a screw loose and need a chocolate fix, grab a wrench and shove it in your mouth. The wife wants to know how the plumbing is coming along. *yelling* Just fine dear. *Om nom nom nom* Nothing going on in here. *Nom nom* Everything is just fine. *door opens*

Hi dear.

WHAT is all over your mouth and face? Have you been sneaking chocolate again?

Um….Blew in the sewer pipe…Had some uh… blowback. Toilet is working now. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll just pack up what’s left of my tools and be off. Good day.
Read more “Chocolate Tools”