Tag: yummy

Women’s Meat Printed Socks

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Women's Meat Printed Socks
These Women’s Meat Printed Socks let you put some tenderloin on your tootsies. Some pork on your little piggies. Some bacon on your bunyons. You get the point. What could be better than meat on your feet? Not a damn thing. And now that they make socks that look like meat, I will no longer have to slip my feet into those choice cuts from the meat department. Hey, it gets cold during the winter. My floors are a bacterial nightmare. Look at how nicely marbled these are. You tenderize ’em in the washer and dryer.

Meat. It’s what’s for dinner. Also, it’s what’s for laundry. I’m gonna wear these to my local meat-up. It’s pork week. Like shark week only we’re the predators.

Nosferatu Cookies

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Nosferatu Cookies
Is that a Nosferatu cookie or that dude from Despicable me after a few months of Jenny Craig? I have no idea, but I’m gonna chomp these cookies up like crazy. You get a half dozen (that means 6 for all of your mathematically challenged folks. No worries. It took me like 10 minute to get the answer.).

Damn, the eyes on this cookie really seem to follow you! *Moves cookie from side to side slowly, checking out it’s eyes. Moves it up and down.* Stop looking at me while I eat you! *Flips cookie over so it’s back is toward me. Starts eating each from behind. Then notices the mirror in front of me and sees that it is still watching me. Hisses loudly and claws at the image, continuing to devour them.*

Giant Hamburger Stool: Not What It Sounds Like

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giant hamburger stool
This Giant Hamburger Stool is not what it sounds like. I’m talking an actual stool you sit on, not a stool of the sample variety. Why do doctor’s need that anyway?

“Your fecal matter tested high in hamburger and very little else. Good God man, do you live in McDonalds? That is the hardest log I have ever seen. No wonder it took you 2 weeks to get back to us.” Well, I do frequent the establishment of the red-headed clown. *Doc writes a prescription* “Take this to the nearest pharmacy, called a ‘grocery store’ and have the pharmacist, I mean clerk help you out. It’s called salad. Eat it.”

I was going to. But then I realized that they already put a leaf of this stuff on my hamburgers, so I’m good.

via Uniquehunters

Hamburger Couch Pillows

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hamburger couch pillows
Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun. Okay, these Hamburger Couch Pillows don’t have all of those things, but they come close. I would lay in this pile of pillows all day long, using the cheese as a blanket. Cuz I’m smart like that. And I’m already covered in cheese most days anyway.

*Looks down at yellow/orange shirt. Peels shirt off of my skin and starts eating it* Mmmmm. Still tastes like pepperoni! Why would I start the day off with a shirt when I knew I was gonna drip cheese all over myself anyway? What you call lazy, I call multitasking.
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Bacon Duct Tape

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bacon duct tape
Give me some Bacon Duct Tape and I’ll be wrecking stuff on purpose so I can put bacon all over everything. My wife: Why does the rake have a bacon handle? Did you do some “body work” on my car? Why does it have a bacon roof in the design of the confederate flag like The Dukes of Hazzard? Why did I come home to a bacon crime scene and have to duck under bacon tape to get inside?

The answer to all of these questions is surprisingly simple…. Bacon.