You been watching Stranger Things? Don’t worry, I won’t spoil it for you. I’ll just say get ready for a lot of Eggo waffles and nose bleeds. Am I right? I swear I even saw Eleven wipe her damn bleeding nose with a waffle. Crazy show. Now you can watch Eleven use her powers and light your room at the same time with this cool Stranger Things Eleven Bleeding Nose Candle. I wasn’t gonna feature this, but hey, if it bleeds it leads right? This thing bleeds from both nostrils as the candle burns down.
Tag: firebox
Horrorgami Paranormal Activity Book
This Horrorgami Paranormal Activity Book lets you make horror origami. So go ahead and cut and fold your own horrifying paper dioramas. It includes twenty terrifying scenes from classic horror films and books with step-by-step instructions and photos. This book is proof that paper can be terrifying. So are papercuts. I pass out at the sight of blood. So when I’m done with this book, it’s gonna look extra terrifying and I’m gonna be very well rested, with my head on every page.
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Heart Anatomy Coasters
When people come to my house and have a drink, I break out these sweet Heart Anatomy Coasters and I start singing, all like, “I’m gonna harden my heart. I’m gonna swallow my tears. Gonna turn and le-heave yo-hoo here ah ah.” Then I put the Yoo-hoo on the coaster, cuz I’m all about avoiding spillage.
Sometimes I’ll be all like “Don’t go breakin’ my heart.” And then they’ll be all like, “I couldn’t if I tried.” Then I’m like, “Honey if I get restless…” And they answer, “Baby you’re not that type.” And they’re right, so we just leave it at that.
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Hatching Dinosaur Candle
This Hatching Dinosaur Candle is adorable. Things hatching from eggs are always cute. Except cockroaches. F them! Seriously. Look at that little guy just breaking free from his egg. Is that a T-Rex? Cuz he totally T-Wrecked that egg! Sorry about that bad joke. I wasn’t gonna type it, but it was a Jurassic lark.
Anyway, candles that are also dinosaurs hatching? Dreams do come true peeps. This is the whole life cycle in one candle right here. Egg, lit candle, dinosaur lives for awhile, then dinosaur is engulfed in flame and melts. Life and death. It really makes ya think about how precious life is. How fleeting. We should all be kind to-
*Ding*
Pop Tarts are ready! Woo-Hooo. Later peeps.
Mushion Pillows: Now You Can Sit On Your Own Face
I hear ya. What the hell is a Mushion? Right? Sounds like a cushion made out of mush. Close. It’s a picture of your face blown up and made into a pillow. Mushion Pillows will let you sit on your own face. Or someone else’s. You can also make a pillow of someone else’s face and practice kissing it for like an hour until your mom barges in, sees you tonguing the pillow and starts crying, asking where she went wrong. It’s happened to all of us right? I mean, not me. Just sayin’.
I would use it as a voodoo type pillow and fart in the faces of my enemies, hoping that they smell my farts wherever they are.
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