Tag: gown

Holy Valhalla: Braided Viking Hair Gown

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Holy Valhalla Braided Viking Hair Gown
Mary Mary quite contrary, shave that gown, it’s way too hairy! I think that’s the first time I’ve ever said a clean version of that joke. This is a Braided Viking Hair Gown. The woman wearing it must be a tough as nails viking. I don’t have viking in my ancestry. The closest I get is biking, but that’s only when the car goes in the shop.

Damn that is one hairy dress. Worn by a bald woman. No disrespect sir, I’ve never seen a viking after they shave off all of their facial hair to make a gown. Don’t kill me with your axe while shouting to your Gods and pillaging my village! We cool. We good.

Let’s have a drink! A little hair of the dog that- Sorry. Hair’s to vikings! Waiter, more beard! I mean beer. Please don’t kill me and braid my village. I mean raid! I’m all tongue-tied. My mouth is all dry and Norse. I mean horse! So sorry!

Monster Inspired Dresses

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monster inspired dresses
Check out these Monster Inspired Dresses fit for any Bridezilla. The seller has dresses inspired by Frankenstein, Vampires, Zombies and more.

The only dresses they don’t have are ones inspired by my almost-wife. Of course how do you capture a woman approaching the altar screaming and crying at the same time? How do you capture the running out of the church in high heels, not once but several times as she loads up the car with gifts and then drives off, flipping me the finger. I don’t think any dress could capture the scene.

Apparently marrying me cures blindness. Which also cures them of marrying me.
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Latex Tentacle Dress

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etsy tentacle dress
If you have a thing for tentacles, feast your eyes on this Latex Tentacle Dress. Eh! Tentacles are for suckers! See what I did there? *It’s not really a joke if you have to explain it* Shut up or I’ll have Madame Octopus shoot you full of ink. *I had an inkling you might say that* Stop it, you’re stealing my thunder. The meds were supposed to silence you.

What’s Kraken m’lady? You look like a James Bond Villain in that dress. I’d like to be…under the sea…In an Octopuses garden…With you. Maybe have a picnic, eat an Octo-pie together. Heh Heh. Octopi. Hey just because you have eight arms doesn’t mean you get every slice! Back off sucker-arms!