Get Your Hands On This Ouija Board Latex Dress

Ouija Board Latex Dress
This Ouija Board Latex Dress is tight! Let me get my planchette and rub it all over those curves. No wait, I’m think I’m getting a message from beyond. Hold still women. Stop wiggling around! Damn! Now I’ll never get the answer to my question. What was your question? Two questions actually. Is this board a portal to a magical and mystical world and how do I get inside? *SMACK* Ow! Guess I deserved that.

Chemtrail Carl Latex Halloween Mask

Chemtrail Carl Latex Halloween Mask
Hey Chemtrail Carl. What up? What’s all the puss? Ha. You know, cuz you have all of those blistery puss sacks on your head. Why ya staring at me with that one big eye? Giving me the stink-eye are ya? Maybe not. I don’t think that stink is coming from your eye. You need a bath dude.

You can be Chemtrail Carl for Halloween this year with this latex Halloween mask. I recommend not bathing for like a month just to be completely authentic. I know cuz I always run into this guy in the 7-11 parking lot.

The Shining Inspired Latex Dress

The Shining Latex Dress
This shiny and tight latex dress was inspired by those twins from The Shining. You know, from that scene where the kid is all riding his big wheel through the hotel and he suddenly sees the scary twin ghosts just standing there. Then the murder scenes start flashing before his eyes. “Come play with us Danny!” That’s some scary shizz.

I have never been able to ride my big wheel since. Mostly cuz I’m adult and got too fat. And since I don’t have the confidence to approach women when not on my big wheel, well, I’m forever alone. Thanks Stanley Kubrick!

Latex Tentacle Dress

etsy tentacle dress
If you have a thing for tentacles, feast your eyes on this Latex Tentacle Dress. Eh! Tentacles are for suckers! See what I did there? *It’s not really a joke if you have to explain it* Shut up or I’ll have Madame Octopus shoot you full of ink. *I had an inkling you might say that* Stop it, you’re stealing my thunder. The meds were supposed to silence you.

What’s Kraken m’lady? You look like a James Bond Villain in that dress. I’d like to be…under the sea…In an Octopuses garden…With you. Maybe have a picnic, eat an Octo-pie together. Heh Heh. Octopi. Hey just because you have eight arms doesn’t mean you get every slice! Back off sucker-arms!

They Live Latex Mask: Formaldehyde-Face!

they live latex mask
Obey, Conform, Consume, Sleep. “The man” is always telling us what to do and subtly mind-controlling us. “The man” aka these aliens from They Live.

You, reading this. You’re okay. This one: real f**n’ ugly. Well, I’m here to expose these formaldehyde-faces. I have come to chew bubblegum and kick ass… and I’m all out of bubblegum. Because I care about my teeth is what I’m saying.

Aw, screw it. I’m too lazy to fight the secret powers that be. All I know is this guy looks like his head fell in the cheese dip back in 1957, but if you want to become one of our elite secret masters, you can buy this nicely detailed mask for $54.(Or 54 “Your God” notes) on Etsy.