The truth is out there. No, really. Everyone knows. And the truth is that your counters and surfaces are nasty. Is that a pool of bright neon glue on your table or year old Mountain Dew? Also, there appears to be a fly stuck in amber on your coffee table. That amber looks a lot like spilled-beer build-up.

Anyhow, ya gotta love that title I put on this post. Alien Coasters Abduct Stains From Your Surfaces. Do I mean furniture or the surfaces of my body, since I just spilled soda all over my shirt? I have no idea. Basically a monkey could run this blog and sometimes he does when I’m passed out in front of the TV with a mouthful of Cheetos and Netflix asking if I’m still watching. Is he any good? Depends. I mean he needs some. He’s really good at leaving s**t in my chair and drawing on my face with sharpie. But he does use a coaster.