Alien Skull Ring – With This Ring I Thee Probe

Alien Skull Ring - With This Ring I Thee ProbeAnybody else ever wake up the next morning after an abduction and find this Alien Skull Ring on your finger? And you’re not sure who your husband is, but judging by the burning in uranus, you know you had a hell of a honeymoon. Yeah, me either, I was just askin’.

I, the perverse alien dirtbag with a thing for hindquarter exploration, take you, puny human, to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to probe, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

He asked me! He asked me! #blessed #sorebumforweeks #cantbeabindingcontract

Alien Xenomorph and Egg Chokers

Alien Xenomorph and Egg Chokers
OpheliasChest makes some pretty terrifying jewelry. I for one, have never seen OpheliasChest, cuz I look her in the eye. I’m a gentleman. I also still have two black eyes from the last time I got caught looking at some boobage. Is it a little nippy in here or is it just me? Anywho, check out these Alien Xenomorph and Egg Chokers. They also have matching bracelets. These accessories are horrifying, yet awesome. I hope those eggs don’t hatch a facehugger, cuz that’s an accessory you don’t want any part of. No one wants their face hugged off. You hear my Aunt Sue? And your kisses are all slobbery and gross.
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Stranger Things Demogorgon Necklace

Stranger Things Demogorgon Necklace
Relive the thrill and the terror of the Demogorgon with this Stranger Things Demogorgon Necklace. It basically looks like a starfish from Satan’s beach resort. *Shudders* And that’s just the demo-Gorgon! They really cranked it up to Eleven on this one. Get it? I knew you would. That’s why you and me were meant to be together. You get me. You really get me. Now get me a coke and some fries k? Love you too. Kisses.

UFO Art Pottery – The Truth Is Out There

UFO Art Pottery
Man, there’s just not enough alien/UFO art pottery. Thank Xenu that CommonGroundPottery is making weird and cool UFO stuff for your home. They look like stuff that an archaeologist dug up, while proving that we have been visited before. In fact, I dare somebody to prove that we have not been visited before. I’ve been visited by the cable guy, a UPS driver, a Jehovah’s Witness, and some kid selling candy bars for his school. And that was just this week. So yeah! Case proven!

I love the saucer shaped pieces that show the pilots in the cockpit. *Giggles* I said cockpit. If you have two aliens in a cockpit, I guess you know what that makes them. Two c**ks in a cockpit. Why do you think they call it that? That’s where c**ks go. Just being honest. I hope they don’t have a sword fight in there. I’m concerned cuz it’s a small area,with delicate equipment.
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Alien Coasters Abduct Stains From Your Surfaces

Alien Coasters Abduct Stains From Your Surfaces
The truth is out there. No, really. Everyone knows. And the truth is that your counters and surfaces are nasty. Is that a pool of bright neon glue on your table or year old Mountain Dew? Also, there appears to be a fly stuck in amber on your coffee table. That amber looks a lot like spilled-beer build-up.

Anyhow, ya gotta love that title I put on this post. Alien Coasters Abduct Stains From Your Surfaces. Do I mean furniture or the surfaces of my body, since I just spilled soda all over my shirt? I have no idea. Basically a monkey could run this blog and sometimes he does when I’m passed out in front of the TV with a mouthful of Cheetos and Netflix asking if I’m still watching. Is he any good? Depends. I mean he needs some. He’s really good at leaving s**t in my chair and drawing on my face with sharpie. But he does use a coaster.