Giant STDs: I Didn’t Do It!

plush stds
These Giant STDs are the same itchy, rashy and sometimes puss-filled creatures you know and love, but in cuddly plush form. Man, I get all itchy just looking at them. And now that I’ve had a closer look, I think I recognize some of these guys. We go way back.

Hey, it’s my old pal herpes. I’m just gonna drop by and say hi. Just mingle, I won’t be long. I promise. Cuz once he gets going, there’s no stopping him. After that I just want to say a quick and long overdue FU to Gonorrhea and then we’re out of here.

Ant Watch: Half Past Drone O’Clock And Quarter To The Queen

ant watch

The Ant Watch lets you tell the time with real living ants. No, not really. It’s just an April Fools joke. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t wear it. It’s the first watch that literally lets you kill some time. With Raid!

What time is it?

Ants.

Now?

Ants.

*5 hours later* What about now?

Dead ants. Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant. Time to play the Pink Panther. I’ll be Cato, you be Inspector Clouseau. *Karate chop to your neck! Lunges at you with the curtain rod and falls out the opposite window.*

Along Came A Banana Spider

arachnophobiaMakes us feel all twitchy and nervous, looking at these banana spider specimens. They’re not as cute and sweet as the yellow tropical fruit they’re named after…not sure why they would call them that even. Maybe it’s their yellow coloring or that someone got freaked out when they found one creeping on their banana and named it that. Are they poisonous? They certainly look scary enough to send you to the emergency room, crying for your mommy. The seller doesn’t share any information on them- why should they? Those spiders are long dead, so don’t pose a threat. Plus, the seller probably figures that in this day and age, people can go look up the info themselves. So, to save you that pesky task of looking it up for yourself and to take all the guess work out of this, let’s see what the internet has to say on the matter. Read more “Along Came A Banana Spider”