No Thanks: Spider Backpack

Spider Backpack
I don’t want to alarm you, but there’s a spider on your back. He looks like a spider backpack, but he’s all jacked into your spine and brain, controlling your every action. What do you do? Well, I would hand a good friend a taser and let him zap that stowaway. Hopefully he doesn’t miss and the spider has a seizure before falling to the ground dead. That’s how you deal with that little problem.

Same way I got rid of that tick I had on my side last year, when I grabbed some exposed wire from the wall and slammed it into my side after yelling CLEAR! Blew him to smithereens and burned every hair off my body. I may have looked like a naked mole rat, but I was a naked mole rat without a tick attached. Lifehacks for the win!

Orange Orb Spider With Devil Face

devil spiderSpiders are nasty enough as they are, but now there is apparently a new breed on the loose. One that has Satan’s face right on it’s dump trumpet. At least that’s what the seller of this $10 spider corpse thinks. I think it looks more like a wizard frog standing on it’s hind legs, playing with fireballs.

The seller says that it was found in Indiana, so it looks like we all have yet another reason to never live there. This thing should be burned with fire immediately before the power of Satan compels it to rise from it’s deadly death state. See more images below as you itch all over.
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Along Came A Banana Spider

arachnophobiaMakes us feel all twitchy and nervous, looking at these banana spider specimens. They’re not as cute and sweet as the yellow tropical fruit they’re named after…not sure why they would call them that even. Maybe it’s their yellow coloring or that someone got freaked out when they found one creeping on their banana and named it that. Are they poisonous? They certainly look scary enough to send you to the emergency room, crying for your mommy. The seller doesn’t share any information on them- why should they? Those spiders are long dead, so don’t pose a threat. Plus, the seller probably figures that in this day and age, people can go look up the info themselves. So, to save you that pesky task of looking it up for yourself and to take all the guess work out of this, let’s see what the internet has to say on the matter. Read more “Along Came A Banana Spider”