Tag: watch

Giant Spider Clock

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Giant Spider Clock
This clock/watch looks like a giant freaky spider. No. Just no. If I had this $16,000 – $18,000 clock in my home it would always be the same time: Time to kill spiders, time to wig the hell out and hide in a corner and then time for this thing to die once I work up enough courage to stop whimpering and hit it with some junk mail like I have a limp wrist!

I don’t ever want to know the time again. *Leads the pest control guy into the room and points*

You sure you want me to spray insecticide all over that?

Just spray it. Stomp on it and take it with you! DO IT NOW!
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Pocket Watch Full Of Teeth

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teeth pocket watch
Excuse me good sir, do you have the time? *Reaches into vest. Pulls out pocket watch. Holds it to guys face* But of course. Time to bite your face off!

This Pocket Watch Full Of Teeth is, what’s the right word? I think Squeampunk fits. Yeah squeampunk. It makes me squeamish, but it’s kinda cool. No way I’m keeping this thing in my pocket, by my junk. I feel like it needs a mint or a tic-tac or something. Right in the middle there.

Mummified Mouse In A Pocket Watch

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taxidermy mouse pocket watch
Check it out mouseketeers. It’s a genuine Mummified Mouse In A Pocket Watch, all floating there like a rodent Timelord, cranking up the gears of time, like he’s riding some rat bike into infinity and beyond. He’s probably playing the Doctor Who music in his head, squinting as he concentrates his mind powers.

Back…Back…Time…Space…Back to a time before Justin Bieber and Jar Jar Binks. Then when his little gears and levers reach 88 miles per hour this watch burns a hole in some hipster’s pocket and the mouse is off to put right what once went wrong. Hoping each time that his next leap will be the leap home.

*Blue energy everywhere. Pew pew! Crackle! Flash!* Cue Quantum Leap music.

OH BOY!
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Ant Watch: Half Past Drone O’Clock And Quarter To The Queen

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ant watch

The Ant Watch lets you tell the time with real living ants. No, not really. It’s just an April Fools joke. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t wear it. It’s the first watch that literally lets you kill some time. With Raid!

What time is it?

Ants.

Now?

Ants.

*5 hours later* What about now?

Dead ants. Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant. Time to play the Pink Panther. I’ll be Cato, you be Inspector Clouseau. *Karate chop to your neck! Lunges at you with the curtain rod and falls out the opposite window.*

F@#k The Time Watch

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f@#ck the time watch
This F@#k The Time watch is the most appropriate watch ever. No matter what the actual time is. F@#k it!

It’s 2 o’clock in the afternoon. Time to wake up. F@#k the time!

Let’s go, the wife says. It’s time to go to the Opera. You promised. F@#k The Time!

The boss says, It’s time to hand in that report. Oh yeah? F@#k The Time!

Hey, the timer just went off. Your mac and cheese is ready. Yeah? Well F@#k The- I’m on it!

Best watch ever.