Honey, I love you so much. I always said that I would give you the moon and stars. Well, here is your moon, my precious angel. *Hands over the closed box containing the Moon Ring.* Oh honey, you are the most thoughtful man. I am so lucky to have you- *Opens box as a miniature butt farts on her.* You’re sleeping on the couch tonight! And every night!
Tag: joke
I’m Not One To Brag Underwear
I’m not one to brag, but check out my new underwear. Woo-Hoo. It’s got a ruler on it so I can do home improvement in my underwear. Gets sweaty and hot when you’re doing man stuff. Sometimes the cops come when you’re on the roof with a beer and a hammer.
You do know that’s not for measuring stuff when fixing the house right?
Huh? You’re just jealous of my cool new underwear.
It’s for measuring your wing-wang.
*Stops cold.* Really?
Why do you think the cops keep coming? It’s because you keep rubbing your junk against stuff to get measurements. Are you fixing the roof or dry humping it?
Fair enough. Also, I don’t think these are my size, cuz my wing-wang ain’t measuring up.
Pull My Finger Fart Scented Candle
Pull my finger. *sharts* Be right back. I have to go clean up. You shouldn’t have pulled it that hard. What are you nuts? This is why I need a Pull My Finger Fart Scented Candle. That way, I can get all of the smell of this joke, without all the mess of sharting myself like a volcano.
This fart scented candle is so realistic, once you light it, you’ll want to light another match! It says it burns for 40 hours, just like your butt would if you laid this much stink yourself. Mmmmmmm. Smells like home. *Passes out.*
Fart Warning Underwear
Fart Warning Underwear. You’ve been warned. I don’t know why you’re still hanging around watching that loading bar reach critical mass. When this thing blows the walls are gonna be repainted.
Just squirted a little, so I can get ya a color swatch. I call it “Downtown Brown”. It’s hip and trendy. I think you’ll like it.
Chip On Your Shoulder Halloween Costume
I heard the same thing all the time when I was a kid. “You have a chip on your shoulder kid!” Yeah so? *Turns head and takes a giant bite out of it.* Now I have half a chip on my shoulder. And a bunch of crumbs.
This Chip On Your Shoulder Halloween Costume put a giant chip on your shoulder. Ruffled, because they’re the best. Possibly Lays. If I could lick it I would know for sure.
I would wear this thing to a Halloween party, sigh all night, then go to leave and bump into a girl with some dip on her shoulder. It would be magic. *Dreaming all dreamy-eyed with my chin in my hands.* I hope it’s poison ivy.
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