This martian is going to look awesome in your yard. And I can tell ya from experience that they really look like this. It was a hot August night and I was drunk-riding home on my bicycle, cuz that isn’t illegal as far as I know. That’s when I saw this thing scurrying around the neighbor’s yard, looking grumpy as hell. When I spotted him, he jammed those tentacle legs into the ground and made like a tree. I just figured I was drunk and since I had to pee anyway… And now you know why he’s got such a grumpy look on his face. Hey, you disguise yourself as a tree on a backward planet, you’re gonna get the golden shower. I don’t remember anything after that, cuz I think he went all electric and shocked my weiner.
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Tag: martian
Altered Alien Figurines
We’ve featured FindersCreepers work before. She likes to do naughty things to vintage figurines. The truth is out there and now it is on your knick-Knack shelf. At least until some Man In Black comes and steals it, tells you you never saw it, it was never there, you were mistaken, there is no such thing as Altered Alien Figurines. Screw you MIB. I know what I saw! Great, now there’s an empty spot on my shelf where there’s no dust. Also that MIB left his dark glasses. Let’s check them out.
*Puts glasses on. Sees the words CONSUME, OBEY and SLEEP all over the place.* Pfft! Tell me something I don’t know. *Tosses glasses.*
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