Themoonbeams makes some really cool and Mesmerizing Alien Pendants. Or as I like to call them, alien abduction badges. Wearing these things is like jumping up and down and saying, “Me! Me! Pick me!” Then they do. They beam you up, then beam you down with a sore pooper and no preperation H.
These pendants do look pretty cool though. So shiny. But I’m not gonna get suckered in. They are pretty hypnotising though. Pretty colors…
*Wakes up on an alien ship.*
This Alien Money Clip is all about the Benjamins son. Or in my case Washingtons. I lied. It’s currently holding bills of the Chuck E Cheese and Monopoly variety. Forget your cash register and put that in your sass register. Keep the change! It’s all good though. This clip gets me a free stay at the Ale-E-Inn. Haha. Little play on words there. Yes, my jokes are so bad I have to explain them. Whatevs. Dollar dollar bills y’all! No, really, can I pay by check cuz all I have is like two dollar bills? That’s all I have on me, plus an Amazon dash button for Snickers bars for some reason.
Season your meals with flavor that is out of this world with this Alien Salt Pepper Shaker Set. *Opens my eyes as I wake up in bed* Hmmmm. So you came for my salt and pepper did ya? Traveled light years just for that? Well, I could have told you you weren’t going to find that in my anus. Sheesh! Hey, where ya going? I didn’t say I wasn’t game for some probing still. *Lays on my stomach and shakes my heiney* Get back here! Oh I see how it is. You got what you want and now you’re done with me. Whatevs! Have fun with the high blood pressure from all that salt.
This Alien Overlord Mask is pretty cool. It’s- Wait a damn minute! That’s that son of an Alpha Centauri that drugged me and took me on a UFO joyride that night, propping me up in the co-pilot’s seat like I’m god damn Weekend at Bernie’s, while he does donuts over some farmer’s field, making crop circles and throwing empties in the back of the UFO. I mean, I guess it was a fun time. Just wish I had had a choice.
I’m gonna hang this Area 51 Wood Sign outside of my room so that no one will disturb me while I’m reverse-engineering UFOs and doing remote viewing experiments. Pffft! I remote view all the time. It’s not like I can channel surf without a remote. Duh! Anyway, that stuff is all classified. I’ve said too much. My room does not officially exist, but that’s mostly cuz it’s my mom’s basement. Gotta go. There’s a telepathic abducting butt-pirate in a cage and he owes me some answers about a warp drive in exchange for a Twix bar.