Tag: strange

This Guy Lost His Virginity To Aliens, Now He Paints About It

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This Guy Lost His Virginity To Aliens, Now He Paints About It
Some guys get f**ked by aliens and just use some hemorrhoid cream and try to forget about it. Others feel lonely and hug their pillow for like a year. Not this guy. 72-year-old painter David Huggins paints paintings about it. He lost his virginity at seventeen to an “alien hybrid” named Crescent, and sired “over fifty hybrid-alien children”. Sounds legit. At least he doesn’t have to pay child intergalactic support. Should have used an intergalactic prophylactic.

He was walking through a forest in Georgia towards a lake. He saw her sitting next to a tree. Crescent had a perfectly normal human appearance except for her head—her pale, pointed face had large black eyes and she was wearing a wig. They both disrobed and he soon lost his virginity.

Sounds like an epic love story. Thanks to Crescent the space-milf, now David is the subject of an upcoming documentary called Love and Saucers, which you can check out below. Personally, I would have called it I love Uranus, Uranus love me, but I wasn’t consulted.
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Spider Summoner Tarantula Pendant – Summon What Now?

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Spider Summoner Tarantula Pendant -Summon What Now?
Let me see if I have this right. You want me to wear this Spider Summoner Tarantula Pendant? Which has a spider on it? Which will summon other spiders? Like Tarantulas? Are you out of your GD mind? How about a spider-killer summoner? I’d wear that. No way I’m inviting more spiders up in here. I don’t have enough cups to put over them like domes. I’m already tripping over all of the upside down glasses I have on the floor cuz I’ll trap them, but I ain’t taking them out. Slept walked the other night and kicked them all over and now I have an infestation all over again. I need to summon a spider taker-outer.

Bury Your Stuff In This Coffin Crossbody Bag

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Coffin Crossbody Bag
It is better to wear a Coffin Crossbody Bag than to be in one. That’s my motto. Plus you get to make all kinds of funny jokes to your friends like: “This is where all of the bodies are buried”. That’s a real knee-slapper there. This leather bag is perfect for a night out on the town or a night traipsing through a cemetery. It’s a tomb for your lipstick and stuff. A mausoleum for your makeup. A resting place for the supplies for your face.

LEGO Sugar Skull Automaton Will Hypnotize You

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LEGO Sugar Skull Automaton Will Hypnotize You
*Stares into it’s eyes* What is thy bidding my master? *Slaps self in the face* That’s better. This LEGO Sugar Skull Automaton was built by Darryl Friesen, even though it is not the Day of the Dead holiday just yet. It is hypnotizing and mesmerizing. It just looks around and chomps its teeth, while the spinny bits implant false memories in your head and make you do whatever it wants. Check out the video below.
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Hand Embroidered Sugar Skull Fan

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Hand Embroidered Sugar Skull Fan
I’m a real fan of this Hand Embroidered Sugar Skull Fan. *Waves fan in front of my face* “Oh honeychild, it’s so hot in here. Downright devilish. I do declare, this must be the day of the dead, it’s so hot. Bout to turn my skull to sugar.” For real. That’s a true and accurate reenactment of my great great great grandmother on the porch one hot day in 1878, before her skull turned to sugar and all the neighborhood kids had a treat.

This cool fan (pun intended as far as you know) is hand embroidered and looks super classy. I already know you ladies are hot. Wink. Wink. Now let me cool ya down with this fan.