Eyeball Cufflinks

eyeball cuff links
Eye love these Eyeball Cufflinks. Eye will wear them with my fancy wedding/funeral clothes, cuz the only time I dress up is when people die and men die hardest when they wed. That’s why I called my second marriage Die Hard 2: Die Harder. I’ve been a box office flop ever since.

Whoa! Hey! Hang on! Just want to be clear that doesn’t mean I can’t get it up. That’s not what flop means here.

Whatevs. These eyeball cufflinks are all blinky and stuff. Freak people out and hold your arms up all day as if you can see through their eyes. Because you can! Because that hand rolled tobacco that dude just gave you has kicked in and now you in the Matrix son! Blue pill or red pill? Pffft! I’mma mash ’em into a purple pill and be the ever lovin’ architect biatches!

Blinking Salt and Pepper Shakers

blinking salt and pepper shakers
Can you pass the salt? Why is it blinking at me? Make it stop. The pepper is winking at me now. Stop flirting! I just-*blushes and giggles* Oh my, you are a peppery one. *Winks back. Opens a Japanese fan and fans self* And so are you, you old salty. I do declare, suddenly I have the vapors!

These Blinking Salt and Pepper Shakers are made for seasoning your food, but they will season your heart. Don’t let the wife see you three carrying on like that.
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