Tag: men

Godzilla Wallet

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Godzilla Wallet
Hey, it’s the monster that wrecked Tokyo. And I ain’t talking Fukushima! What? Too soon? My bad. This cool Godzilla Wallet belongs in your pocket. It shows Godzilla on the rampage, breathing fire. It also shows Godzilla’s anatomy as if he got hit with a laser. I can see he had chicken for dinner, along with a butt-load of Japanese locals and tourists.

I say butt-load cuz it looks like they are gonna hurt coming out. Depending on his digestion anyway. I’d be backed up for a week. That meal is too rich. Get it? Too rich? Cuz ya have to be rich to travel and be a tourist these days.

Sugar Skull Wood Folding Comb

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Sugar Skull Wood Folding Comb Whoa. Your hair is going to look cool thanks to this Sugar Skull Wood Folding Comb. Take it out of your pocket, flick it open like a switchblade and comb those locks. You’ll be looking as good as that bearded, well haired skeleton on it’s side.

Comb your hair, comb your beard, hell comb your pubes and make Mr. Winky look all dapper. I don’t judge. This is one stylish comb that will come in handy. I’m gonna comb my beard all day. For snacks. Cuz that’s where I store them. I’m lying, I don’t have a beard. My five o’clock shadow is more like 4 o’clock and still waiting. I just don’t seem to have the necessary man-genes to grow a fuzzy face.

Human Centipede Ginger Bread Man

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Human Centipede Ginger Bread Man
So… That happened. The Human Centipede Ginger Bread Man wants to be your new favorite holiday decor. Looks like they have a good ginger bread train going there. All aboard! Choo choo! If you’re gonna do the whole human centipede thing, I guess being a ginger bread man is the way to go. That way, all you taste is ginger bread, instead of you know, butt. I love that guy’s face in front. He’s all like, “Holy shizz! I did not see my day going like this!”
Read more “Human Centipede Ginger Bread Man”

Steampunk Gas Masks Cufflinks

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Steampunk Gas Masks Cufflinks
These Steampunk Gas Masks Cufflinks will come in handy during special occasions. You want cufflinks that say, “You farted and even my accessories know it.” I was gonna wear some classy cufflinks, but once I looked at the gas list guest list and saw how many serial farters were attending this little shindig, I knew I had to be prepared with the proper wrist accessories.

You’ll notice that they go well with the full sized gas mask I’m wearing on my head. You got a fan in here? You might want to turn that baby on and crank it up to 11. Smells like somebody wrapped a dead body in old cheese.
Read more “Steampunk Gas Masks Cufflinks”

Gothic Skull Ring

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Gothic Skull Ring
This Gothic Skull Ring is pretty awesome. It looks like it is coming alive all 3D like. That’s pretty scary. Not as scary as that time I had a grease fire trying to make my own deep friend Snickers bars and tried to put it out with a gallon of water, but still. That reminds me, my eyebrows still aren’t growing back. I guess I’ll be leaving the house as angry-sharpie-brow guy again today. At least it keeps other humans from interacting with me.