Category: Just Plain Weird

Gothic Spider Web Halloween Wedding Invitations

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Gothic Spider Web Halloween Wedding Invitations
Having a wedding on All Hallows eve? These Gothic Spider Web Halloween Wedding Invitations will help. Say, why did the spider not send out any wedding invitations. Because she was a black widow. And they eat the male after sex.I think. Did I get that right? Anyway, that was a terrible joke.

I’m gonna get married on Halloween too, once a woman will have me. That way we can go trick or treating in our Wedding clothes. Do you have any idea how much candy a wedding dress will hold? Of course it has to come off of the bride first. Then they will complain for years how all of those Snickers bars and Kit Kats ruined her precious wedding dress. Waaa waaa waaa. Shouldn’t have been wearing white anyway, if you know what I mean.
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The Beauty of Horror: A GOREgeous Coloring Book

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the beauty of horror a goregeous coloring book
The Beauty of Horror: A GOREgeous Coloring Book. Hmmmmm. Something tells me I’m going to need more red crayons. Just a guess. This adult coloring book looks pretty darn scary. I’m not sure if I can color this in without my mom nearby. No, not because I’m scared, but because I still live in her basement.

Kinda sucks, but it is pretty sweet to be able to hit the ceiling with a broom handle and demand she make me a sandwich. Then she yells her own demand, which is for me to get the f*** out of her house. That was a big mistake cuz I don’t negotiate with terrorists. Meaning, I’ll leave when I’m good and ready. Oh, when I get enough sandwiches, I’ll get out and not before. Now where’s my sandwich? Where’s a man that I can call my son? Oh, it’s on now mother! I hope you enjoy caring for a man-child well into your 70s! Because that’s what you’re getting!
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The Webcaster Gun Makes Realistic Halloween Cobwebs

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The Webcaster Gun Makes Realistic Halloween Cobwebs
The Webcaster lets you spin realistic spiderwebs like Spider-Man himself. They look so realistic, you will swear you have a Black Widow infestation. It’s basically an awesome glue gun that makes cobwebs. Now I have to get one. Cuz I want my basement to look all creepy for Halloween, and the spiders just aren’t doing it fast enough. The “glue sticks” come in several different colors. Hope I don’t web myself in a corner. Fingers crossed.
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The Devil Tarot Card Duvet Cover

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The Devil Tarot Card Duvet Cover
They say that the devil is in the details. I say he’s in your bed and this Devil Tarot Card Duvet Cover is proof. I’ve never done a tarot reading in bed before, but I have done a tarot reader in bed. *Rolls eyebrows up and down.* Not much reading got done that night, but I spent a fortune. *Rim shot* I’ll be here all week.

Seriously though, I’ve heard a lot of weird stuff about the devil: That he went down to Georgia, that he wears a blue dress, that he has his own eggs, but I’ve never heard of a devil on a duvet. Good luck getting sleep under that thing.

Light-Up Zombie Head Pathway Markers

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Light-Up Zombie Head Pathway Markers
*Singing to “You light up my life”.* Youuuuu light up my pathhhhh. I kick your headssss. Cuz you’re undeadddddd. These Light-Up Zombie Head Pathway Markers make an awesome statement along any path in your yard. That statement is: No zombie bastid better mess with me, cuz I’ll put lights in your eye sockets and decorate my driveway with your skull. Your friends too.

Perfect for Halloween. Also perfect for the zombie apocalypse, since those undead freaks will know to stay away.