Salem Witch Trials Reproduction Wall Art

Salem Witch Trials Reproduction Wall Art
Decorate with this Salem Witch Trials Reproduction Wall Art and creep up your castle. Witches have always been tried, long before Amber Heard. Usually, they would do stuff like tie them to a wood beam and dunk them underwater and if they don’t die, they’re a witch. If they do die, well… maybe that wasn’t a great witch detector. They would draw and quarter you, set you on fire, pull out your fingernails and generally end you. Sort of like when you disagree with others politically or about anything today.

Anyway, this cool reproduction Salem Witch Trials wall art will be perfect for your creepy castle or haunted home. It’s a great reminder to not be caught being a witch. Don’t let anyone see you using one of these witch cauldron mugs, for instance. Because if you are drinking from a cauldron in your little hamlet, you are just asking for trouble. You might as well decorate your hair with bats, cook with eye of newt and fly around on a broom. It’s okay to be a biatch, just not a wiatch if you know what I’m saying. So you need to also make sure to hide your resting witch face from others.

Human Face Baseball Cap – Put Your Game Face On

Human Face Baseball Cap - Put Your Game Face On
This Human Face Baseball Cap will let you put your game face on. Literally. Perfect for those of you who are two-faced, sh*t-faced, or tell bald-faced lies. You can blame it all on the extra face on your head. Take it to the ballpark so those behind you can be creeped out and wonder who you offed and how you sewed their face on your hat. Truly one of the most terrifying chapeaus I have ever seen. Probably because it is a chap. A chap’s face, at least. When you take this human face baseball cap off, it’s a face-off. During a double-header. Get it? Awesome piece of Creep Wear.

via Technabob

Cyclops Fashion Barbie – Hey My Eye Is Up Here

Cyclops Fashion Barbie - Hey My Eye Is Up Here

Meet Cyclops Fashion Barbie. Time for a makeover, Barbie! What’s that? You want bigger eyes? Turn up ALL the filters, because you’re about to get your wish. Why have two small eyes, when you could have… One. Bigass. Eyeball? All-seeing? What is there for Barbie to see, anyway? Ken’s gone, the dream house has burned, and all she’s got is her looks. Keep looking, Barbie. Maybe you’ll find another plastic sucker like Ken to gold-dig! All you ever do is take take take! I’m done. You never ask me about MY day. *sobs*.

I don’t have issues, you have issues.

Keep your eye on this one, folks. She’s got her eye on you. Dress her up. Take her out. Or keep her in the corner looking creepy. Cyclops Fashion Barbie, includes terrifying, yet stylish accessories, batteries sold separately. Because, trust me, you don’t want this one coming to life. Just like these other creepy dolls.

Slinky Rabbit – Terrifying Toy Taxidermy

Slinky Rabbit - Terrifying Toy Taxidermy
Slinky Rabbit. It’s Slinky. It’s Slinky. It’s such a wonderful toy. Slinky! Slinky! It brings more terror than joy! WTF yo! Is it a toy or taxidermy? It’s both. Somehow. Made from a freeze-dried rabbit by the way. In case you were wondering. Imagine this thing slinking around and chasing you. They say it died of natural causes, but I have to wonder if those natural causes were a madman and an ax. They say that children are our future, and maybe. But the future has some f**ked up toys. What ever happened to wholesome toys like Monster Cereal catnip toys? You can’t escape the slinky rabbit.

Plague Doctor Doll

Plague Doctor Doll
The doctor is in. This Plague Doctor Doll looks pretty cool. He’ll keep you safe from the plague. Which I am famous for curing by the way. How did I do it? Through science and chemistry? Through harvesting herbs? Hell no. I just changed the “g” to a “q”. And ever since these Plague doctors have been known as plaque doctors. So instead of battling the plague, they battle plaque in your teeth and in your arteries, while earning awesome plaques for their service which they decorate their offices with.

See, I cured the damn thing. I don’t even get any credit. Awesome Plague Doctor Doll anyway.

While we are talking Plague Docs, check out this cool Plague Doctor Statue.