Cyclops Fashion Barbie – Hey My Eye Is Up Here

Cyclops Fashion Barbie - Hey My Eye Is Up Here

Meet Cyclops Fashion Barbie. Time for a makeover, Barbie! What’s that? You want bigger eyes? Turn up ALL the filters, because you’re about to get your wish. Why have two small eyes, when you could have… One. Bigass. Eyeball? All-seeing? What is there for Barbie to see, anyway? Ken’s gone, the dream house has burned, and all she’s got is her looks. Keep looking, Barbie. Maybe you’ll find another plastic sucker like Ken to gold-dig! All you ever do is take take take! I’m done. You never ask me about MY day. *sobs*.

I don’t have issues, you have issues.

Keep your eye on this one, folks. She’s got her eye on you. Dress her up. Take her out. Or keep her in the corner looking creepy. Cyclops Fashion Barbie, includes terrifying, yet stylish accessories, batteries sold separately. Because, trust me, you don’t want this one coming to life. Just like these other creepy dolls.

Weird Eye Martini Glasses – Martine-Eye

Weird Eye Martini Glasses
Check out these Weird Eye Martini Glasses. Martine-eye anyone? When I drink I am the master and my drink is the pupil. That may sound cornea, but eye don’t care. I’m gonna get a pair of these. I’ll call one Iris and the other Re-Tina. If you drip some drink over the side and lick it off, you’ll get a real tongue-lashing. Know what I mean? Weird, but I like these.

Iridescent Tentacle Sketchbook

Iridescent Tentacle Sketchbook
Ohhhh so tenta-cool. This Iridescent Tentacle Sketchbook is so shiny and so tentacle-y. I would draw in this thing all day long. Draw a blank! Cuz I’m not really that creative. Just beware. The eye in the center sees everything. So, you know, turn it away when you touch your peen and stuff. Just a thoughtful tip.

Dragon Eye Pendants

Dragon Eye Pendants
It’s the… Eye of the dragon. It’s the thrill of the fight. Rising up to the challenge of our rival.And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night. And… he’s… watching us all… with the eyeeeeeeeee…. of the dragon! Love that song. These sweet Dragon Eye Pendants from CharlieMorgon are watching you and watching me. There’s no telling what they see. Although masturbation is a high probability. Just sayin’. All I’m sayin’ is maybe put some black tape over the eye before you do the deed, just like you would with your webcam. It’s just good advice.
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Evil Eye Necklaces – Stop Looking At Me!

Evil Eye Necklaces - Stop Looking At Me!
You giving me the evil eye? Okay, cool. As long as it’s not the stink eye. Or the pink eye. These Evil Eye Necklaces from Etsy seller SharaJewels are a great accessory. I’m calling this one Iris. So how do you make this kind of eye jewelry? Well, you have to learn and be a good pupil. You have to sit in school and learn and not say anything corny…a. You gotta have 20/20 focus, or if ya don’t you can always hit up lenscrafters, where they laugh at you and fit you with a pair of old timey nerd-glasses, but that may have just been a special treat just for me.

Anyway, I really just want this one to stop looking at me, cuz it’s kinda flirty and kinda dirty. Which makes me feel self conscious. So stop it.