Tag: cyclops

Cyclops Fashion Barbie – Hey My Eye Is Up Here

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Cyclops Fashion Barbie - Hey My Eye Is Up Here

Meet Cyclops Fashion Barbie. Time for a makeover, Barbie! What’s that? You want bigger eyes? Turn up ALL the filters, because you’re about to get your wish. Why have two small eyes, when you could have… One. Bigass. Eyeball? All-seeing? What is there for Barbie to see, anyway? Ken’s gone, the dream house has burned, and all she’s got is her looks. Keep looking, Barbie. Maybe you’ll find another plastic sucker like Ken to gold-dig! All you ever do is take take take! I’m done. You never ask me about MY day. *sobs*.

I don’t have issues, you have issues.

Keep your eye on this one, folks. She’s got her eye on you. Dress her up. Take her out. Or keep her in the corner looking creepy. Cyclops Fashion Barbie, includes terrifying, yet stylish accessories, batteries sold separately. Because, trust me, you don’t want this one coming to life. Just like these other creepy dolls.

Crazy Creepy Creature Pendants

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Crazy Creepy Creature Pendants
Cosmicdork sells several styles of these Crazy Creepy Creature Pendants. I’m pretty sure this cyclops just wants a kiss. Some are cyclops, some have 3 eyes, others look like various ex wives to me. Pretty scary. But I do want to kiss it. Don’t judge. I’ve been very lonely and a man has needs. Besides you know what they say: One eye, many talents. Or something like that.

Cyclops Monster Shot Glasses – Up To Their Eyeballs In Booze

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Cyclops Monster Shot Glasses
These Cyclops Monster Shot Glasses are terrifying. Take a shot from a monster with a bloodshot eye. So I guess you are taking a bloodshot. Like they do at Vampire bars. You can choose from 12 nightmare inducing designs. You can also use these as candle holders. If you bang this shot glass on the table it is likely to bite you. These guys are up to their eyeball in booze. Know what I’m saying?

Concrete Cyclops Skull

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Concrete Cyclops Skull
Okay Cyclops Skull, keep an eye on the garden for me. Get it? If you do just say aye! I kid, I kid. I just like talking to my garden decorations. Say, I need to plug in the weed whacker. Do you have a spare socket? Zing! Burn! I got you so good. We are having so much pun. Wanna hear some music? I’ll get my eye-pad. Where is it? Hmmm. Keep an eye out for me will ya? Man, I crack myself up. *Drops skull in garden* Laterz. Eye have to go eat!

Next day…

*Walks out to the garden whistling. Trips over cyclops skull and gets impaled by a rake. Dying…* Eye…Eye…Eye sorry. Ha ha ha erg gasp choke gurgle dead.

Santa Clops Ornament

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Santa Clops Ornament
You better watch out. You better not cry. Better not pout. I’m telling you why. Santa Clops is coming to town. He’s making a list. And checking it twice. He has to check it twice, he only has one eye. Which explains why my gifts are never under the tree and why I wake up on Christmas morning to find half my sh*t broken. His depth perception sucks. Plus he’s a drunk. Either that or he just likes taking a dump in the fireplace.

If you like your Santa ornaments ugly and mutated, this blown glass ornament from Middle of Beyond is for you.

via The Awesomer