Tag: barbie

Cyclops Fashion Barbie – Hey My Eye Is Up Here

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Cyclops Fashion Barbie - Hey My Eye Is Up Here

Meet Cyclops Fashion Barbie. Time for a makeover, Barbie! What’s that? You want bigger eyes? Turn up ALL the filters, because you’re about to get your wish. Why have two small eyes, when you could have… One. Bigass. Eyeball? All-seeing? What is there for Barbie to see, anyway? Ken’s gone, the dream house has burned, and all she’s got is her looks. Keep looking, Barbie. Maybe you’ll find another plastic sucker like Ken to gold-dig! All you ever do is take take take! I’m done. You never ask me about MY day. *sobs*.

I don’t have issues, you have issues.

Keep your eye on this one, folks. She’s got her eye on you. Dress her up. Take her out. Or keep her in the corner looking creepy. Cyclops Fashion Barbie, includes terrifying, yet stylish accessories, batteries sold separately. Because, trust me, you don’t want this one coming to life. Just like these other creepy dolls.

Weird Doll/Animal Hybrid Figures

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Weird Doll Animal Hybrid Figures
These Weird Doll/Animal Hybrid Figures are so f***d up I had to drop my glass of whiskey and get a glass of vodka. What the hell is wrong with you people? Animals and Barbies do not mix! Do you want God to come back and barbecue us all in blazing hellfire? Cuz this is how you get God to come back. Damn twisted Etsy scientists.
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Shave And Play Barbie Doll

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Shave And Play Barbie
Damn Barbie. You really let yourself go! Shave and Play Barbie is hairy as hell and ready for a trim! I thought this was a wolfman doll at first. Or a limited edition sasquatch Barbie. Or an Oregon hipster wife Barbie. Nope, just Barbie going all natural and letting that hair grow. And grow. And grow. It comes with a razor included to make her all silky smooth. She’s got a beard, neck hair, chest hair, leg hair, probably even some butt hair.

She did it Fur Ken. She wants to be fur-ever yours. Damn Barbie. You live in a Malibu beach house so I know you can afford a razor. Seriously, SHAVE and PLAY. In that order. Do not PLAY and SHAVE. This beast needs to be dealt with right now! Even Bigfoot be like, “What? Girl you crazy.”
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Barbie Head Gumball Machines

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Barbie Head Gumball Machines
Check out these Barbie Head Gumball Machines from CREEPhaus. Hell, if I wanted to spend some money to watch a bunch of Barbie heads tumble out of something, I’d go to the local mall, stick a coin in the door and watch them all come out with their Pumpkin Spice Lattes and Uggs, while trying not to get stampeded because they are all texting each other LOL and I KNOW RIGHT.

You know what they say, twenty Barbie heads are better than one, but only if they are in a gumball machine.

Baby Doll Table Lamp With Trophy Barbie Head

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Baby Doll Table Lamp With Trophy Barbie Head
Not sure what to make of this Baby Doll Table Lamp With Trophy Barbie Head. He’s making a face like he has a monkey-brain, which explains why he is tearing a Barbie doll limb from limb. Anybody can do that. Barbies have so little body fat that they come apart like string cheese. So I’m not impressed.

Anyway, put some damn clothes on baby. Can you be attached to a lamp that makes me un-see things?