Tag: christmas tree

Deck The Halls With Ugly Christmas Ornaments

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Ugly Christmas Ornaments
Damn son, you gots some ugly Christmas ornaments. SoUglyitsCuteCrafts has all kinds of ugly Christmas ornaments to ugly up your Christmas tree. Normally, I just throw my own turkey leg on the tree, but now I don’t have to. There’s also an ugly pickle, ugly Santa hats and ugly poop. Why spend all day beating your tree with an ugly stick when you can just buy these ornaments. The ugly stick takes a while to work. Trust me on that one.

In my case it took 9 months in the womb. But that ugly stick may have just been my dad still doing the nasty after mom was pregnant. Whatever it was, it was scary. Left me ugly too. No wonder I’m so messed up. Thanks dad.

You ornaments are nasty. U-G-L-Y You ain’t got no alibi, You ugly. You ugly.
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Freddy Krueger Burnt Skin Christmas Tree Ornament

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Freddy Krueger Burnt Skin Christmas Tree Ornament
Deck the halls with Freddy Krueger’s burnt flesh. You can almost smell the evil bubbling. This Freddy Krueger Burnt Skin Christmas Tree Ornament is pretty awesome. If you could get a whole bunch, it’ll make it look like Freddy exploded and there’s bits of him stuck in your tree. Eww! Yet cool. But I’m freaky like that. Here are some matching fleshy Nikes.

Jingle Bells
Burnt flesh smells
Freddy laid an egg.

My little song gets worse, but that’s all I’m sharing cuz I would like to sleep tonight. I don’t want to tick him off.

Beaded Spiders For Your Christmas Tree

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Beaded Spiders For Your Christmas Tree
Attack of the Beaded Spiders. They’re crawling in your house, crawling in your Christmas tree. Holy sh** they’re crawling all over me. Seriously though, these spiders are going to look good all over your tree. They will probably even creep you out and make you all itchy. I’m scratching all over. But that might be the bag of Oreos and 3 Red Bulls talking. What was that? Who’s there?

I also want to take this moment to remind you all that there are spiders in your home right this very second. Just creeping on their 8 legs. Unseen. Unheard. Always at the edge of your sight. Feeding on tiny insects. Touching you when you don’t know it. Walking on your arm. Careful not to disturb your hair. Biting you, though you are unaware. Living in secret. Perhaps crawling in your ear. Or in your mouth.

Well, goodnight everybody. Have a fit and restful sleep. *yawns*