What could be more welcoming than a Vampire Bat Door Knocker? That’s the kind of house I would walk up to and say, “Nice knockers!” and mean it. Gonna need a door mat to go with my door bat though. So Gothic, so spooky.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Bat.
Bat who?
Bat-choo. I’m a bat with a cold! Which means I can only take Nyquil, not Dayquil. Cuz I’m a bat see? I’m also batsy!
Just look at that cat-eating grin. This Cat Eating Mouse Door Knocker is pretty awesome. For the cat. Not so much for the mouse. Just swing the mouse and knock on the door. But knock 3 times. I might be getting busy inside, if you know what I mean. Hint, hint. Nudge, nudge. Heh. Yeah, probably not. Okay, just knock regular-like. Most likely I’ll be feeding my face and watching Netflix.
On a side-note, damn that cat is bronzed like a New Jersey housewife. Somebody done bronzed their puss. Now don’t be dirty, I’m just talkin’ ’bout the cat door knocker.
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The Knock-Jaw: Cast Iron Skull Door Knocker lets guests take matters into their own hands when they hit your doorstep. By matters, I mean they take this skeleton’s jaw into their hands and knock on your door. Maybe you can leave some nuts out so they can crush them in this guy’s mouth and have a good treat.
Real nice. Someone shows up at your house and you tell them to eat your nuts.
Hey, I never had guests before. I’m doing my best. Maybe set out some tiny wieners?
In that case, maybe you should just stand outside naked.
Yeah well… Maybe that’s why I invited you over, so I could have a tiny wiener. Snap! Burn son! Oh, that didn’t sound good did it? You’re probably leaving now right? Yeah, a bit awkward. Now I get why the only people who come to the door are UPS guys and random people with bibles.
This Dragon Door Knocker is going to look awesome on my front door. Especially after I took out that second mortgage to give the place that whole Game of Thrones makeover. So what if it looks more like a beat up Jenga pile. I’m no contractor. Knock knock knock! Who is it? It’s dragon. Dragon who? Dragon my butt, cuz I’m so tired from blogging all day.
You can’t come in, the king’s not here.
I am the king!
Prove it! Prove your worth by removing a giant stone block from the castle of Jenga and I’ll let you in.
We went through this last week and it’s not funny. I lost the entire bedroom that day. And you’re just some dude named Merlin who I’m renting a room to and who farts way to much, then tries to cover it up with magic. Fine whatever, but I’m taking a piece from your side of the castle this time.
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