Tag: gothic

Succulent Coffin Planter

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Succulent Coffin Planter
The Succulent Coffin Planter ensures that your succulents Rest In Peace. This Gothic planter proves that succulents don’t actually suck. How does your Goth garden grow? Pretty damn creepily thanks to accessories like this. It is especially good if you don’t have a green thumb and everything that you plant dies anyway. Now you will be prepared for every plant funeral. Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today…. This Succulent Coffin Planter shows that you respect plants. Even if you are a serial plant murderer.

Give it your best and if you have to, lay it to rest. That’s my gardening style. Of course, I have 5 acres of dirt and one dead Chia Pet. Cha cha cha chia. My thumb is black, not green. That’s why I stick with the Coffin Zen Garden. That way I have nothing to kill but time. Man, that’s deep.

Monster Teeth Beaded Change Purse

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Monster Teeth Beaded Change Purse
I can’t wait to use this Monster Teeth Beaded Change Purse to scare the hell out of every cashier in my path. Maybe they’ll stop asking me to pay. Oh, I think I have 15 cents here, let me look. Why don’t you dig around in there for me- Hahaha you should have seen your face. Why are you clutching your left arm and gasping for breath? What’s that? What are you trying to say? This is no time for charades! Hmmm. Rhymes with… Heart? Stabbing… Stabbing pain? Heart attack? Oh shite! Ummm, that’s not considered murder is it? Should I go on the run now? I just thought it was a joke I could sink my teeth into. I swear. I didn’t mean it.

Put your money where your teeth is. Are. I suck at English. This Monster Teeth Beaded Change Purse is hungry. For coinage. Every time I pay and they give me change I’m gonna say “Fangs you very much” I’m just polite like that. I’m also going to be wearing my cool human teeth ring cuz you have to accessorize. I’ll be that weird dude who is obsessed with teeth and the kids will create urban legends around me.

Ouija Board Throw Blanket

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Ouija Board Throw Blanket
This Ouija Board Throw Blanket is cool and all, but every time I lay down and cover myself with it, people rub planchettes all over me. That part feels like a nice massage, until they start talking to spirits and the spirits start coming out from under the blanket and invading the room. Tickles like hell (not so bad in some areas) and now I have all these spirits flying around the room. Then I have to wave the blanket around the room and collect them all again like an effin Pokemon hunter. Get back in the blanket. Man this is tiring. I’m like a bullfighter over here. I just want to go to bed. Remind me to hide all of those planchettes. Then again, maybe I shouldn’t use a Ouija Board Throw Blanket to keep warm. I should probably check my Ouija Board Cutting Board too. I bet the kitchen is trashed. Why? Why do I collect these things? Hey, if I send a spirit board through this blanket and into the other realm, will the universe implode? That might be an interesting experience. If I can’t get them all back into this blanket we are all going to hell! You hear me?

Gothic Storage Jars Put Bats In Your Belfry

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Gothic Storage Jars Put Bats In Your Belfry
These Gothic Storage Jars fill your kitchen with enough bats to drive you batty. Sugar, tea, and coffee storage jars never looked so good. I had no idea they made storage jars for this stuff. I can finally get rid of those mounds of sugar on my counter. I’ll have to sift out the ants first, but totally worth it. I can also get rid of that pile of flour in the cabinet. I usually get rid of it just by opening the cabinet, because it all falls out. These are going to look great in my kitchen. You can never have too many bats in the belfry after all. Go Goth or go home! Hey where ya going? You’re supposed to go goth and NOT go home when I say that. Oh you went goth AND are going home? Well, that’s rude. I was going to show you my cool batwing coffin necklace. Now you can forget it. And I’m not sharing these Gothic Storage Jars either. So there.

Stained Glass Ravens For Your Gothic Garden

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Stained Glass Ravens For Your Gothic Garden
Stained Glass Ravens. I love that phrase. I can’t stop saying it. It’s fun. Just rolls off the tongue. Not sure what they’re stained with, but they look amazing. Perfect for your gothic home or garden. If I could talk to these birds, I would say stuff like, “Your ass is glass!” and “Nevermore!” and “What are you raven about?” But I can’t. Not until I buy a set. I just spent all of my money on crows. Hey, I needed something to crow about.

Anyone crowing about ravens? Or ravening about crows? Hey, I just met you. This might be crazy. Here’s my number, so CAW me maybe… I know, that’s terrible. Feel free to caw me out. Seriously though, these Stained Glass Ravens look all kinds of cool. Yes, I restrained myself from saying caw again. I may be crazy but I do have self-restraint and I’m also very talon-ted. What? What did I say? Anyway, they look awesome. I’m going to see if they attract more ravens to my house.

Slightly off topic, why did they never call kids who attended raves ravens? Seems like a no-brainer. Which is probably why I thought of it. I have no brain.