Tag: halloween

Scary Stories Throw Blanket

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Scary Stories Throw Blanket
I’m under my Scary Stories Throw Blanket and ready for my scary stories right now. Which one of you is ready to read? You know the drill, I hide under the blanket, fall asleep within 5 minutes and you get to watch a wet spot slowly appear like a specter from my nether region. I know, I’m a real catch. I’m the scariest story. Ask any mother. Hell, ask anybody.

This blanket is inspired by the actual Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark book and will keep you warm while stories are being told. It’s a throw blanket so just throw it anywhere and everywhere. Toss it here and toss it there. Toss it everywhere. Toss your salad underneath. If you have a throw blanket you’re required to throw it like 10 times a day. It’s in the name. And I’m pretty sure that is federal law. All I know is that this is enough to get the “wet” out from the nightmare stories of the night before, but that’s just me. And hey, if dark mermaids are more your thing, check out this Mermaid Skeleton Blanket. It is pretty sexy and like totally goth and will look amazing in your home.

Succulent Coffin Planter

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Succulent Coffin Planter
The Succulent Coffin Planter ensures that your succulents Rest In Peace. This Gothic planter proves that succulents don’t actually suck. How does your Goth garden grow? Pretty damn creepily thanks to accessories like this. It is especially good if you don’t have a green thumb and everything that you plant dies anyway. Now you will be prepared for every plant funeral. Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today…. This Succulent Coffin Planter shows that you respect plants. Even if you are a serial plant murderer.

Give it your best and if you have to, lay it to rest. That’s my gardening style. Of course, I have 5 acres of dirt and one dead Chia Pet. Cha cha cha chia. My thumb is black, not green. That’s why I stick with the Coffin Zen Garden. That way I have nothing to kill but time. Man, that’s deep.

Custom Furby Dolls – A Nightmare Evolved

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Custom Furby Dolls - A Nightmare Evolved
These are some creepy dolls. Don’t be fooled by Etsy shop PlushieCouture‘s cute name. Within their shop, you will find nightmares of the Furby variety. Like these Custom Furby Dolls. These are pure nightmare fuel. I thought run-of-the-mill(mouth) Furby’s were scary, but they are nothing compared to these hell-spawned creatures. Things get so much scarier when you put a Furby’s face on another body. Check out the shop and never sleep again if you have this toy in the house. Any of these toys. I know that I’m not sleeping any time soon. No way.

They have robot versions, worms, birds, Woody from Toy Story, He-Man, cats, gorillas, and more. There’s a custom Furby for everyone. These people love being Dr. Frankenstein to these creatures. All with that creepy Furby face that instills fear into the hearts of men. I’m actually cowering in a corner and crying as I write this. I can’t unsee it. So I share my terror with you. You’re welcome. We are all doomed. To be fair, crying in the corner is not unusual for me. Is it weird that I find that lady Furby above kinda sexy? Be honest, I know I have problems.

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Nosferato Vampire Figurine

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Nosferato Vampire Figurine
Damn son. This Nosferato Vampire Figurine needs to be on my castle shelf now! As the kids say, this thing looks sick. He’s just waking up from a long nap, wiping the cobwebs off his head, shaking that stake out of his chest, and stretching his wings. He’s looking a little gaunt. Get this dude some blood stat! That means right away people. Let’s go! We have a dry vampire here. We need plasma now. Speaking of vampires, check out this Vampire Heart Necklace. Because we all heart vampires. You know you love them. I’ve seen your I heart vampires bumper sticker. It’s cool, I have one too. Give this Nosferato Vampire Figurine a home.

Nosferatu
Goes by Ross Feratu

Sleeping in da day
Partying at night

If you tussle with this mother***ker
You know he gonna bite!

Word!

Monster Teeth Beaded Change Purse

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Monster Teeth Beaded Change Purse
I can’t wait to use this Monster Teeth Beaded Change Purse to scare the hell out of every cashier in my path. Maybe they’ll stop asking me to pay. Oh, I think I have 15 cents here, let me look. Why don’t you dig around in there for me- Hahaha you should have seen your face. Why are you clutching your left arm and gasping for breath? What’s that? What are you trying to say? This is no time for charades! Hmmm. Rhymes with… Heart? Stabbing… Stabbing pain? Heart attack? Oh shite! Ummm, that’s not considered murder is it? Should I go on the run now? I just thought it was a joke I could sink my teeth into. I swear. I didn’t mean it.

Put your money where your teeth is. Are. I suck at English. This Monster Teeth Beaded Change Purse is hungry. For coinage. Every time I pay and they give me change I’m gonna say “Fangs you very much” I’m just polite like that. I’m also going to be wearing my cool human teeth ring cuz you have to accessorize. I’ll be that weird dude who is obsessed with teeth and the kids will create urban legends around me.