Tag: hardware

Skull and Bones Door Knocker

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Skull and Bones Door Knocker
Knock knock knock. I want to use this Skull and Bones Door Knocker so bad. I can almost feel it in my hand. Where’s my shopping VR program already? I just want to move his jaw and hear the sound. Pretend that he’s talking as I do. Then when the person answers the door, I’ll be all like, “Just go back inside. I’m playing here.” See I know how to pony like bony-maronie. I also know to leave when the police are called cuz some dude won’t stop f**king with your door knocker. But I’m taking it with me and putting it on my door.

Long story short: Not a good idea. Blogging from jail now. The pokey. The Hoosegow. Ye old ship of butt pirates tryin’ to shiv and shiver me timbers. Anyone have bail money? Cuz I really wanna bail now.

Bat Skull Cabinet Hardware

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Bat Skull Cabinet Hardware
Quick Robin! To the Bat-Cabinet! Holy smokes Batman! Which one is the Bat Cabinet again? They are the ones with the Bat Skull Cabinet Hardware you idiot. And by the way, can we update that outfit? Kinda makes me look bad you know. I am a much older man and those tights… Not good.

This Bat Skull Cabinet hardware is awesome. Does this mean that your cabinet is a belfry now? It’s got bats. Anything that has bats is a belfry. I kind of like the idea of grabbing a bat skull every time I go into a cabinet for some cereal or peanut butter. Don’t worry little bats, I won’t crush your head with my grip. Or poke you in the eye-sockets. I will be gentle,but firm.
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Zombie Light Switch Cover

Artemis Winterford2 Comments

zombie light switch coverThis Zombie light switch cover will serve as a good reminder to always keep the lights on. Supernatural stuff usually kills people at night. You know what else kills at night? Stepping on LEGO pieces with bare feet, cursing at the top of one’s lungs and then tripping over the actual LEGO creation that you built as you fall backwards on your butt.

True story.

Pro tip: There’s no good way to explain to the doctor how a Harry Potter mini figure ended up lodged inside your chamber of secrets. Always keep the lights on people.