Tag: home decor

Ball of Worms – With Realistic Slime

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Ball of Worms - With Realistic Slime
Goodness gracious, great ball of worms. Throw these things back and forth and have a ball. Or a worm. It’s not a ball of wax, it’s not a ball of fun. It’s a great big ball of ewww! A ball of ick and ack, a ball that is whacked. Writhing worms, now with realistic slime coating. You could make one yourself by collecting worms from the dirt and compacting them into a nasty slimy ball, but it will always SPLAT on impact and that’s never pretty. Especially if you get hit upside the head. That’s how you get an ear worm.

These balls have all the yuck and none of the guts. They worm my heart. *You got balls kid!* Thanks, they’re full of worms. *Uh, okay, now get the hell away from me boy* Actually it takes real balls to display these things in your home. For real. And for some reason I never ever want to eat pasta again. I wonder why. I prefer these caterpillar babies.

Nosferato Vampire Figurine

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Nosferato Vampire Figurine
Damn son. This Nosferato Vampire Figurine needs to be on my castle shelf now! As the kids say, this thing looks sick. He’s just waking up from a long nap, wiping the cobwebs off his head, shaking that stake out of his chest, and stretching his wings. He’s looking a little gaunt. Get this dude some blood stat! That means right away people. Let’s go! We have a dry vampire here. We need plasma now. Speaking of vampires, check out this Vampire Heart Necklace. Because we all heart vampires. You know you love them. I’ve seen your I heart vampires bumper sticker. It’s cool, I have one too. Give this Nosferato Vampire Figurine a home.

Nosferatu
Goes by Ross Feratu

Sleeping in da day
Partying at night

If you tussle with this mother***ker
You know he gonna bite!

Word!

Ouija Board Throw Blanket

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Ouija Board Throw Blanket
This Ouija Board Throw Blanket is cool and all, but every time I lay down and cover myself with it, people rub planchettes all over me. That part feels like a nice massage, until they start talking to spirits and the spirits start coming out from under the blanket and invading the room. Tickles like hell (not so bad in some areas) and now I have all these spirits flying around the room. Then I have to wave the blanket around the room and collect them all again like an effin Pokemon hunter. Get back in the blanket. Man this is tiring. I’m like a bullfighter over here. I just want to go to bed. Remind me to hide all of those planchettes. Then again, maybe I shouldn’t use a Ouija Board Throw Blanket to keep warm. I should probably check my Ouija Board Cutting Board too. I bet the kitchen is trashed. Why? Why do I collect these things? Hey, if I send a spirit board through this blanket and into the other realm, will the universe implode? That might be an interesting experience. If I can’t get them all back into this blanket we are all going to hell! You hear me?

Nightmare On Elm Street Freddy Krueger Plant

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Nightmare On Elm Street Freddy Krueger Plant
Damn, this Nightmare On Elm Street Freddy Krueger Plant is terrifying. You can’t just buy this at your local grocery store. Otherwise, it would be called Freddy Kroger. Get it? That would be a pretty cool store mascot actually. Nightmare on aisle 5 yall! And also clean up. Cuz there’s a lot of blood. He actually looks like he’s about to do a cool dance number. Anyway, this Freddy plant is terrifying. Whether you have a green thumb or not, you gonna have no thumb after you water it. Maybe no hand or arm. All I know is that I’m glad that these Freddy Krueger plants don’t grow in the wild. I would be killing them with fire if they did. You hear that freddy? I’m not afraid of you. It’s true, I’m not afraid. I’m terrified beyond belief. They would probably only grow on Elm streets anyway. He is after all, the Nightmare On Elm Street. And every other street. You know, normally I pee on my plants to water them, cuz I’m eco-conscious and lazy, but I ain’t getting my junk anywhere near this thing.

 

Also check out this animated soul pizza. Souls are his favorite topping. Man-chovies if you will

Gothic Storage Jars Put Bats In Your Belfry

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Gothic Storage Jars Put Bats In Your Belfry
These Gothic Storage Jars fill your kitchen with enough bats to drive you batty. Sugar, tea, and coffee storage jars never looked so good. I had no idea they made storage jars for this stuff. I can finally get rid of those mounds of sugar on my counter. I’ll have to sift out the ants first, but totally worth it. I can also get rid of that pile of flour in the cabinet. I usually get rid of it just by opening the cabinet, because it all falls out. These are going to look great in my kitchen. You can never have too many bats in the belfry after all. Go Goth or go home! Hey where ya going? You’re supposed to go goth and NOT go home when I say that. Oh you went goth AND are going home? Well, that’s rude. I was going to show you my cool batwing coffin necklace. Now you can forget it. And I’m not sharing these Gothic Storage Jars either. So there.