Tag: horror

Fork Used By The Donner Party

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Fork Used By The Donner Party
Pro tip: Always keep your ears clean and listen carefully. I once thought I was invited to a dinner party, but that wasn’t the deal. Ohhhhh. You said Donner party. What’s that? Oh really? Cool. I just remembered I have to to go now… Luckily I wasn’t the main course that night.

Anyway, if you want a special keepsake from the actual Donner party, you can buy this fork. It is said to be a fork used at the actual feast that night. Seems legit to me. Some guy snuck onto the actual site where the deed occurred and used a metal detector to find utensil. The glass should probably read, “Break in case of extreme hunger.”

Skeleton Hand Napkin Holder

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Skeleton Hand Napkin Holder
Unhand my napkins you bony biatch! Seriously though, this Skeleton Hand Napkin Holder will come in handy at dinner time. It takes a very hands on approach. It’s doing a great job, so everybody give it a hand. Okay, enough hand jokes. I’ve said the word hand so many times that you would think I was getting paid to say it. Like I got a hand job or something. Well, that didn’t sound right. I’m just gonna quit while I’m ahead. Enjoy your awesome new napkin holder.

Scary Zodiac Pillow Covers

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Scary Zodiac Pillow Covers
Like OMG these Scary Zodiac Pillow Covers are so on fleek. Mercury is def in retrograde guys cuz they didn’t even get my name right at Starbucks. Plus Jupiter is ascending in the fourth house and like, OMG where’d you get those boots. Those boots go with that blouse like Aries and Aquarius. I’m so gel. I’m totally buying those so we can be twinsies! We are so gemini. Anyway, what was I saying? Oh look, something shiny and funny sound from phone! AKA “sleepytime while my thumbs move”.

Tovolo Zombies Popsicle Molds

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Tovolo Zombies Popsicle Molds
Make the walking dead the freezing dead with these Tovolo Zombies Popsicle Molds. Look, zombies want to eat you, so I say we eat them first. Stick a zombie in your mouth and suck! Heh. That’s my new insult. If someone says something I don’t like, I’m yelling, “Stick a zombie in your mouth and suck!” I’m hoping it really takes off and becomes something New Yorkers yell at each other every day.

Seriously though, these Popsicle molds are awesome. I’m gonna go make some delicious zombie treats now. Don’t let the door hit you… You shut up! You shut it right now! Stick a zombie in your mouth and suck!

Gold Day of the Dead Sugar Skull Necklace

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Day of the Dead Sugar Skull Necklace
This is one shiny Day of the Dead Sugar Skull Necklace. Bling bling motha truckas! I’m offended cuz I’m a mother who is also a trucker! Oh well ya can’t please everyone. There are more offended people these days then you can shake a dead cat at. I’m calling PETA! Please do, I love their bread. You bastard! Is that a comment about my yeast infection? You woman hating freak. And also, you’re racist. Everybody just calm down. I just wanted to show you this sweet necklace. Damn. Everyone just needs to calm the eff down.